Judge, 1896-04-25 · page 7 of 18
Judge — April 25, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical pieces typical of Judge's format: **"Resignation"** mocks excessive toasting customs—a speaker claims to have drunk someone's health 47 times, rendering his own health ruined, illustrating the absurdity of the era's elaborate social drinking rituals. **"Weary Willie" cartoon** shows a vagrant attempting to manipulate a woman into pumping water for him, exploiting politeness. It satirizes both panhandling and the class dynamics of the period. **"Hunting for a Clew"** jokes darkly about murder investigation, suggesting a detective would immediately suspect Philadelphia relatives (likely implying they're financially motivated), playing on period stereotypes about regional greed. **"A Good Reason"** is a simple child's joke about naming a donkey "Maxwelton" after a song lyric. **"He Knew the Sex"** presents burglars discussing a reward notice—the humor relies on the sexist premise that only a woman would post a reward without demanding answers, stereotyping women as sentimental or naive about criminal matters. The page also includes humorous aphorisms about work, umbrellas, and marksmanship.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
RESIGNATION. DRANK her health. Great guns! I drank it forty-seven times ; And though my rhymes Concerning it lack wealth Of rhetoric and figured speech, And poetry could never reach The volume of her health I drank, I must confess That more or less” My own health was impaired, and I, A sanitary martyr, cry, “ My head! Oh, oh, my head !* Still, as T said, 4 drank her health, Ww. Je LaMITON, THE MISCHIEVOUS CAT AND THE GLOBE. A SMALL FAVOR “Lady, could I hev a drink uv dis water?" —"Certainiy. There's the pump and there's the tumbler.” Wrany Witte (insinuatingly)—" L see, lady. Now ef you'll jes’ work de handle fer a moment.” HUNTING FOR A CLEW. +6] FIND,” said the analyt- ical chemist, “strong indications that death was caused by slow poison, Do you suspect anybody ?” “1 don't.” replied the detective, “I must find if the deceased had any Philadel- phia relatives who would be likely to profit by his death.”* A GOOD REASON. SS \JHAT name are you going to call your new donkey, Tommy? “ Maxwelton, papa.” “Why are you going to THE NATURE OF THINGS. call him Maxwelton 2” ‘The poorer an umbrella is the stouter it appears; and the richer the umbrella “Because Maxwelton’s the more you can see its ribs. WORK. WORK: "Tisnature’s grand specific For all ills that irk, Making life of good prolific. Work! Shun her wiles whose monsters lurk Horned and hippogriffic, Idleness, with vapid smirk. Work ! Goddess, with the smile pacific Beaming through the mirk, Lam yours, oh, beatific Work! JOHN GOADRY GREGORY, ENCOURAGING. AN INDIFFERENT marksman ought to be HE KNEW THE SEX. sure of a happy hereafter, for Fixst nurcLar—"' Lord, Bill! dis advertisement wouldn't fool nobody.” 5 RECA SRCOND RURGLAR—" Wot is it?” he is likely to miss fire in the next world, First nurciar—" Fifty dollars reward an’ no questions ast—signed by a woman,”