Judge — April 25, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Photo, by JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MRS. HENKY Falk, Tought to have a piece of wedding-cake. INCOGNITO, THE soul is born incognito, What it may be we little know, Whether comes ancient friend or foe, Unrecognized all come and go; The soul remains—incognito, rammar class had had" ac- * to parse, and being of one accord had parsed it as being in the asculine gender. ‘The long-suffering teacher had for fifteen minutes expended her gray matter in an eloquent and log- ical statement proving to the juve- nile intellect that the horses, arms, accoutrements, mmissary sup- plies and other paraphernalia of an army technically make it neu ter gender. One budding mind refused to be convinced. “Well, Harry?" “ Please, ma'am, do women ever go to war? “ Nenot very often, Harry.” “And is‘ army’ always neu- ter yender?” ™ Yes—grammatically con- sidered. “Please, ma‘am, what gen- der is the salvation army 2” PROCRASTINATION. S6LTAVE you noticed how extravagantly Mrs. Mur- ray-Hill is dressing this season ?” “Yes, indeed. Her hus- band has been losing heavily on ‘change of late, and she is evi- dently making the most of her present opportunity.” Uncu R U her tantru: ms.” HER BEST WANT. AwEA LTHY unmarried lady concluded to go to California, and to visit her relatives along the route in the different states, She had many pe- culiarities, and the relatives all wished to please her, One of them wrote toa relative she had just visited and asked, “ What can I do for her? What does she eat? What does she like?” The response came, “I hear you have a bright, attractive, good-looking cler- gyman, Perhaps she'd like him.” ce NCEITED people are sel- dom jealous. ape handled by the incensed audience. egg too low—that is all, RIGHTEOUS WRATH. No, dear reader ; this is not the barn-storming “' star" who is being so roughly Tue Kestucky coroner. —"' Ring twice for ice-water? Well, I'll just go yer"—— (Bang! bang !) IT MIGHT & Josit (as he is lifted from the railroad wreck\—"'\ vER—"* You are about forty miles from Hohokus. Le Josit (with a sigh of relief) —" Thank th’ Lord! HAVE BI WORSE, whar am 1?" It is only Jones, who threw that unsavory AROUND THE GROCERY STOVE. I" WAS at the corner grocery. The man on the cracker-barrel had told the story of how old Grand- father J. J. Astor had laid the foun- dations of the present generous fort- une of the Astor family by trading for furs with the Indians, in all of which dealings the shrewd old trad- er used his foot as his standard pound weight. “And when he wanted to get a good pound,” the story-teller finish- ed, “ he'd press down on the foot.” There was a long, expressive silence. It was only broken finally by the practical groceryman. “And IT suppose,” said he thoughtfully, “ when he wanted to weigh two pounds he put both feet in the scales and stood up in them.” Your train went through a draw-bridge.” I've bin dreamin’ thet I wuz t' home an’ Betsey hed one uv comicbooks.com