Judge — April 18, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

260 uae CORRECT? A TEACHER in one of the public schools of R— recently asked her pupils to write a sentence which should introduce the word “anony- mous,” explaining to them that the word meant “ with- out a name.” When the pa- pers were handed in this startling sentence met her eye, “On my way to school this morning I saw an anony- mous cow.” EASY TO TELL. Wool —“ The president of the United States senate doesn’t have to count noses.” Van Pelt—* How can he tell whether a quorum is Ss ILONESTY IS THE BEST POLICEMAN. present A Grand-Central depot policeman found a pocket-book con- Wool—" By the volume taining fifty-five dollars and two gold pins in the waiting-room of the snore.” of the depot this morning. Upon inquiry he found that the pocketbook belonged to a lady who had just boarded a train, The officer restored the property to the lady and refused the reward she offer- ed him,—Daily paper. 3 FOR HIs. Mx (at the gate)— ing is such sweet sorrow !" Voice. (from bedroom window)—"* Then take her with ye and give her old man a chance at some sweet sorrow.” MONEY AND TIME. . *TOMMy,” exclaimed the head clerk se- verely, “how long does it take to go across the street and buy a dollar's worth of stamps? You have been gone an hour.” Why,” answered the office- boy, looking hurt, “it was more than a dol- lar’s worth I had to get. Tt was five dollars’ worth.” EASTER HEARTS. MY LOVE isan Easter iy, With a heart that is golden true; Her presence seems like the April gleams Of the sun that shines on you. And she wakes my heart from its winter, ‘That I thought was dead so long, And its blossoms are sweet at the sound of her feet, And it carols an Easter song. Our hearts are like leaves and flowers ; ‘The frost may wither and blight, But if loving shine with its glow divine AN IGNORANT MISTRESS. TOO SOON. ‘They bloom in its warmth and light. Mistress—"* What are you doing there, Bridget ?” i, zuualriavven tmanue Bripcet—* Mixin’ th’ hash fer th’ boorders.”” She—" Will you please Misruess—"Good gracious! and with those dirty hands of hold my glove?” EREN yours?” acct VITALLY DIFFERENT. “— Brincet—'* Don't worry about thot, mum. They'll be clane He —" What! before Bloobumper—" There is a vast difference between enough be th’ toime Oi'm t'roo wid it.” you have put it on?” a man and a mortgag Spatts —"\ suppose there is; but go ahead Bloobumper—"When a man is executed that settles him; but the settlement of a mortgage is a long way beyond its execu- tion.” \ — HIS OBJECT. Johnny baby, mamma? Mamma —" Why do you want to wake the baby?” Johnny—" So's can play on my drum.” May I wake the SOCIAL DISTINCTION. Mistress—* | am very glad to see you home in time, Mar- garet. Did you have a good time at your cousin's funeral?" Margaret—" Indade, mum, Oi had jist an iligant toime. Oi sat in a foine coach wid th’ carpse’s husband, an’ he squaz- SUPPLY UNLIMITED. ed me hand an’ towld me, j ‘StLas. Wayrack (fishing for spring suckers, impatiently)—"* Suckers air gittin’ skercer every spring. Wouldn't wonder “Troth, Margaret, an’ ye're jist °f they run aout ‘fore long 4 3 Unc.e Busker (énowingly) th’ belle av th’ funeral. ninety-eight cents at York I herd th Jaon't yew bileeve it. When I secured this two-dollar ile-silk fish-line fer a dollar Jerk tell a chap thet thar wuz a sucker born every minnit.”” comicbooks.com