Judge — April 4, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CKUEL HOAX. 1. SMALL nov—"* Officer, dere’s a an up dat street, at number forty-nine, standin’ at de winder in his undershirt NOT ENTIRELY MIS- APPLIED. +4] WISH,” said the young man who is musically ambitious, “that there were some reliable rec- ipe for making a piani “Oh, replied his friend, who never learned but one joke. * What is it?” “Why, first catch your hair.” there is, 3. SMALL Boy — ‘* Dat's him, officer; dat's my dad! April fool undershirt in de daytime—only yer can’t see it. 2. Orricer RumHAuRR—"'T vill shtob dat!” FOR THAT TIME ONLY. THE papers said rain, it looked like rain; I would not be restrained, But took with me my umbrella and, ‘To my surprise—it rained ! MAKES A DIFFERENCE, Tommy (surprised) —" Why, papa, I thought that one spoonful of sugar was always enough for my coffee?" Tommy's papa —" This is a restaurant, my son; take all the He's always in his sugar you want.” AN EVEN THING. we, | PRITHEE, Penseroso, dry your eyes If it be only for a little while. L tire of this ever-doleful guise That you put on, and long to see you smile. Before we married merrily you laughed Upon the slightest provocation ; now You have forgotten quite the pleasant craft Of keeping hearts from sinking in the slough Of deep despondence. Then you never frowned ; To-day the clouds hang on your brow for hours, You give me April all the year around RTOUNE: MAN <LooKING ANTS: Without a ray of sunlight ‘tween the show'rs. THE DARK FUTURE, THE THING THAT KILLED ITS AUTHOR. WH .N is an Englishman a cannibal? When he eats his mamma laid (marmalade) on toast. A PERTINENT DEDUCTION. Ortickx MoLumpy "Sav, me frind; phwere do yez live?” Count V skikoskiwosky ADIMIR VODKINEERSKI (thickly) —"* Petrohof- jibbywock ". Orvicex MoLuMPy (interrupting)—" Thin take th’ back shtrates an’ go there. Av anny ilevated-road officials sees yez in this cordishun yez'll be afther losin’ yer job.” —"* Sorry, Ditchy ; t'baccy—be th’ ton?” sue, f I've grown unduly lachrymose is for the want of some substantial cheer. No woman breathes who would not wax morose With not a cent to spend the livelong year. Before we married I'd at least enough To pick up some small thing on bargain-days, And now, believe me, it is very tough! I must give shopping up and matinées, You, too, make April of each month for me— Sir, it affrights me none, that awful look ! For, like the urchins on the first, you see The string ‘s kept tied upon your pocket-book, KOWARD W. BARNARD, NOT IN THE WHOLESALE BUSINESS. ** Vill you 1endt me mein pipefal ohf topacco, Pat?” but Oi'll hov t’ say Oi hovn’t it. How do yez tink Oi buy me