Judge — March 7, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

153 MARCH DREAMS. ARCH makes me think that creation is ill, With something real dreadful the matter— First the high fever and then the damp chill, When the teeth of the universe chatter, The winds in their wailing are all out of tune And death seems to be on a frolic. We dream the big dipper is changed to a spoon For holding a syrup corked up in the moon And treating the earth for the colic And then, as the howling becomes more intense— O’Rion the surgeon can’t cheat us— ‘To be in the swim at whatever expense Old Nature has swallowed a rail from the fence And groans with the appendicitis, XK. SAUNDERS A CLEAN CHEAT. DISCORDANT and emphatic sounds were issu- ing from the private chamber of Mr. O’Hootigan. “Phwativer is th’ matther wid yez, Pat?" in- i quired his faithful spouse. “ Mather enough !" quoth Pat. “ Shure, whin Oi A SUBJECT FOR ARBITRATION. bought this cursed plashter Oi thought Oi hod a bar- He refuses to come until she promises to marry him. gain; but now, begorra! Oi know Oi'm shkinned.”* HIS HOUR OF SORROW. 6 6YOU seem sad, Horatio.” It was the pleasant voice of Nordyke Withers that fract- ured the stillness of the little room across the street from police- headquarters, where Horatio Sands-Johnson was trying to put a half-dozen police items into readable shape for a morning paper. “ Yes," was the laconic answer of Horatio, He was always laconic, no matter what it cost. “And may [as “No, you needn't; I will tell you, It may be that you re« member the advice you gave me last winter, to brace up a little and go out into society?” Yes, I remember it very well, and I was glad to hear that you had been doing it.” . "Yes, I have been doing it,” Horatio sadly resumed. “And . Ihave made the acquaintance of about sixty-seven lovely girls.” * Well, that’s nice.” “Mighty nice—but wait. Do you remember my little hall room with the folding-bed, and do you recall the fact that I have to move my trunk out into the hallway in order to let the bed i s down?” A WANT SUPPLIED. Yordyk 4 Mrs. Porutist—"' Gracious, Hiram! Hiram Porutist—"" We can easily get Nordyke nodded and smiled. T've come out without my boa.” around a little thing like that, my dear.” “Well.” continued Horatio bitterly as he buried his head in his hands, “I have been calling that room my ‘apartments,’ and to- TWO POINTS OF VIEW. night all those girls are coming to give me a surprise-party.” WHAT a woman calls economy in car-fares a man may call a waste And Nordyke caught his breath and ciung to it with both hands, so of boots. that it might not get loose and break the sacred silence. ight not get loose and break the sacred silence, en ed WaLran JUAN avs yi Hitaie Haid Ani EVE'S IMMU- Ha al NITY. HHA i NCE upon a time, ever and ever so long ago, there was a man named Adam. And his wife's name was Eve. And there arose a mighty epidemic of measles in that land. But Eve wasn't afraid. She had Adam. POLITICAL econo- mists are writing A NEW TERROR. é iles of i Von Lust (treo a. m )—" Shay, COULDN'T BLAME THEM. miles Re lamentation: Jack, d'ye (hic) shee anyshing zbere ?* | MR. FINNEGAN (just over)—"'An’ phwat are Over the decrease of Vox MusH—" Yesh (bic). Shee th’ bells ringin’ fer, me bhoy?” population. How do a horshlish carriage. lov" For a fre, they know but what Von Lusii—"* Horshlish? Yesh, INNEGAN (3vith his teeth chattering)— shertainly horshlish; but I can shee *An’ divil a bit do Oi blame thim on acowld day there are too many green elephants drawin’ it. Lesh (hic) loike this, folks? have ‘nother drink.”