Judge — March 7, 1896 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Copyright by B.J> Falk. JUDGE'S FAVORITES, NELLIE MELBA, Some moments supreme we shail cherish, Though years to oblivion fly : ‘The senses’ emotions max perish he soul cannot die thine s0 to voice the divine That echoes immortal reply. WHAT HE MIGHT DO. 46{ DON'T feel able to do any work on my story to-day,” said a writer to his wife, “My head is badly muddled.” “Then | wouldn't try to write, dear,” replied his wife soothingly. “Suppose you just turn off two or three poems to-day.” THE WIDOW O’TROUT ON FUNERALS. FORTNI'T ago come Frida’, as Oi was a- froyin’ me bit av fish, Missis McGully sint over her Agnis t’ ax me wud Oi go ta funeral wid her th’ day afther te-morro’, if ‘twas a foine an’ wud Oi lind th’ av me dapest mournin’-veil t th’ widdy—McGully bein’ own cousin t' th’ carpse on th’ modther’s soide, an’ thet's certain !" | F 1 | Pa hersilf bein’ related be mar- "1 | i riage t' th’ undhertaker's \ chafe help-layer-out. “Me complemints t’ yer modther,” says Oi t' Agnes McGully, says Oi, an’ be th’ wedther foul or fair, Oi've no objictions t’ goin’ wid her t’ th’ funeral; but divil th’ loan av me widdy's veil ‘ll she git; for not me own sister shud wear thot veil for any mon’s deat” but O'Throut’s! Me sicond best she can have an’ welcome.” Now Oi'm aisy t’ plaze, an‘ can always injy mesilf at a funeral; especially since, O'Throut bein’ did, i've « dacint bit av black by me; an’ Cornaylia bein’ big enough t’ sell papers an’ sody-wather, but not t’ be thrustedavenin’s 4 VOICE FROM WHERE CHERRY-TREES ARE AT A ‘ . apts PREMIUM. t sell cigarettes t’ th’ dudes, ‘ sae SUNDAY-SCHOOL TEACHER (having read the cherry-tree anecdote thot ‘u'd bankrupt thimsilves yoy @ moral effect)—"* Now, James, what do you think of George boyin’ ‘em, for th’ sake av “Washington 7° talkin’ t' her about nothin’ JAMESY BLEEKER (disgusted) —"* Dat he wuz a slob! How cud : he iver git any more cherries off'n it?” an’ boycoycles, O'Throut himsilf, who wud have his joke, was afther tellin’ me on his deat’-bed (well knowin’ me wakeness) thot Oi'd be dthressed for funerals for one whoile anyway. cl i} HARDER TO BEAR THAN A Weary WALKER (stealing a ride)—"'T hates ter walk, ‘specially in dis snow, but I can’t stand dis, But this was, be all tokens, th’ mosht uncomfortable funeral Oi iver at- tinded ; for ‘t was av a Sunda’, an’ th’ supploy av whishky gave out airly, an’ no way av replacin’ it; an’ a cousin av Mary Ann McGully'’s an’ her stiddy company got foightin’ in th’ same car- riage wid thimsilves, just loike married folks intoirely. Oi'd me pocket picked in church av me purse containia’ a so- dality medal an’ two car-tickets an’ for- ty-foive cints; an’ comin’ home th’ droivers druv loike mad, bein’ roiled be th’soight av respictable shtoppin’-places for refrishmint all shut up loike eyesh- ters; an’ givin’ us no chance, wid th’ rattle av th’ windys, for croyin’ an’ talk- in’ over th’ desased; so thot this minute Oi'm no more acquainted wid th’ gintle- man than Oi was before his funeral. Oi was dishgushted altogether, an’ AN OPTICAL ILLUSION, was t' beg me on yer bendid knays af- When did Judge Goreman grow that ferocious mustache? whin Oi got home Oi says t' me Cor- naylia, “ Cornaylia O'Throut !" says Oi, “afther th’ way thot expensive funeral was mishconducted this blissid day, Oi've a moind t’ say O/'ll niver got’ an- other one av ‘em, not avin t’ yours, if y" Never! as may be seen as he rises to address the ther they was shtiffened wid deadness.” jury. MADBLINE ORVIS, comicbooks.com