Judge — January 11, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NEW- YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS. L2== The office-boy resolves—To kill the boss and marry the typewriter. ‘The typewriter resolves—To marry the boss and immediately discharge the office- boy. : FROM THE SAFE SIDE. CHOLLY (shouting from the street)—"* Mr. Gotrocks, sir !"" Mr. Gotrocks (hastily opening the window) —'* What's the matter? House on fire?” CHoLLY—"* No, sir; [love your daughter and she loves me. I've just proposed to her and been accepted— she wished me to incidentally mention the fact to you, sir.” A YOUTHFUL CONCEPTION OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN. THREE very young children who were supposed to be in bed attracted the attention of their mamma by the noise they were making. Upon inquiring into the cause of the disturbance she was greatly amazed to find the little ones parading around the nursery with large straw hats on their heads, and otherwise entirely devoid of clothing. “What are you doing ?” she exclaimed in consternation. “ We's playin’ darden of Edin,” said one. “Yes, and I'm Adam,” said the oldest boy.“ And I's Eve,” chimed in the little girl. And then, in a most important tone, the third little voice chirped up, “And I am the Lord Dod, walkin’ in the tool of the day.” The boss resolves—To “* fire" ‘em both. ELBOW- GREASE. ORAH was told to rub aad polish a valuable bronze statue, after she had said most positively that she knew how. For a time the sounds issuing from the kitchen sounded natural enough, but they were followed by so long a silence that it seemed best to look after the worker. She was found leaning back in a chair quite exhausted, and, to the horror of her mistress, the statue presented a head and trunk of brass, while the lower limbs still retained their glossy coat of bronze. “Oi doan’t mane ter vex yez, mum,” panted Norah, “ but i'll lave me place befoor Oill thry ter clane th’ rist av th’ brown aff its derty bare legs— so Oi will! "Y faith! but th’ lasht gurrul must av lift it iver since she was bor-rn wid niver a scrub—it does be thot brown wid dert!" NE of the most thoughtful- } ae bskiag aien' daw A TELESCOPIC OVERWHELMING DEFEAT. coetely bad'¢'Bain ts ba log and Mr, Jackson was congratulating himself on his lofty in- — that low-covered bridge and unceremoniously precipl- . z tellect on behalf of his family until he turned a curve at full tated /Ais catastrophe. was wondering what caused it. speed and ran into— comicbooks.com