Judge, 1896-01-11 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 11, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from **Judge** magazine contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"New Year's Resolutions"**: Office workplace humor—the office boy and typewriter (female secretary) have conflicting ambitions, while the boss cynically fires them both. **"From the Safe Side"**: Satirizes wealthy men's anxiety about their daughters' romantic prospects. A suitor (Cholly) announces his engagement to "Mr. Gotrocks'" daughter from the street, forcing the wealthy father to listen through a window—mocking the pretense of propriety among the wealthy. **"Garden of Eden"**: A children's misunderstanding joke: naked children playing Adam and Eve in the nursery, with one claiming to be "the Lord God" walking in "the cool of the day"—innocent malapropism humor. **"Elbow-Grease"**: Immigrant servant (Irish dialect) accidentally polishes a bronze statue so thoroughly she removes the patina, exposing bare brass underneath. **"Telescopic Overwhelming Defeat"**: A man on a bicycle hits a low bridge while looking up, presumably through a telescope, causing a crash. Visual punchline humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NEW- YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS. L2== The office-boy resolves—To kill the boss and marry the typewriter. ‘The typewriter resolves—To marry the boss and immediately discharge the office- boy. : FROM THE SAFE SIDE. CHOLLY (shouting from the street)—"* Mr. Gotrocks, sir !"" Mr. Gotrocks (hastily opening the window) —'* What's the matter? House on fire?” CHoLLY—"* No, sir; [love your daughter and she loves me. I've just proposed to her and been accepted— she wished me to incidentally mention the fact to you, sir.” A YOUTHFUL CONCEPTION OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN. THREE very young children who were supposed to be in bed attracted the attention of their mamma by the noise they were making. Upon inquiring into the cause of the disturbance she was greatly amazed to find the little ones parading around the nursery with large straw hats on their heads, and otherwise entirely devoid of clothing. “What are you doing ?” she exclaimed in consternation. “ We's playin’ darden of Edin,” said one. “Yes, and I'm Adam,” said the oldest boy.“ And I's Eve,” chimed in the little girl. And then, in a most important tone, the third little voice chirped up, “And I am the Lord Dod, walkin’ in the tool of the day.” The boss resolves—To “* fire" ‘em both. ELBOW- GREASE. ORAH was told to rub aad polish a valuable bronze statue, after she had said most positively that she knew how. For a time the sounds issuing from the kitchen sounded natural enough, but they were followed by so long a silence that it seemed best to look after the worker. She was found leaning back in a chair quite exhausted, and, to the horror of her mistress, the statue presented a head and trunk of brass, while the lower limbs still retained their glossy coat of bronze. “Oi doan’t mane ter vex yez, mum,” panted Norah, “ but i'll lave me place befoor Oill thry ter clane th’ rist av th’ brown aff its derty bare legs— so Oi will! "Y faith! but th’ lasht gurrul must av lift it iver since she was bor-rn wid niver a scrub—it does be thot brown wid dert!" NE of the most thoughtful- } ae bskiag aien' daw A TELESCOPIC OVERWHELMING DEFEAT. coetely bad'¢'Bain ts ba log and Mr, Jackson was congratulating himself on his lofty in- — that low-covered bridge and unceremoniously precipl- . z tellect on behalf of his family until he turned a curve at full tated /Ais catastrophe. was wondering what caused it. speed and ran into— comicbooks.com