Judge — January 4, 1896 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN ICE-BOAT CATASTROPHE, ‘attie, you sit on the out-runner and keep us from capsizing.” Fattie—" Ob, yes ; and you take the comfortable part.” LOW PRICES IN INDIANA, Bexson—"'T suppose you are put to great expense in catching the horse:thieves with which T hear your county is infested?” Farmer Barxs—' Nope ; we jest starts th’ bloodhoun's on ther trail.” Benson—"' Then a great outlay is not necessary to apprehend them ?” Farmer BARns—" Jest wan scent.” A NEW CONTRIBUTION TO SCIENCE. THE latest explanation of the cause of earthquakes was given by a consequential- appearing colored man to an ebony-hued companion : "Yo" see,” said the expounder of science gravely, “dis heah earth trables round on hits axel mor'n twenty-five hund’ed miles in twenty-foh ‘ouhs—dat am right sma‘t speed, I ‘lows; an’ hit tecks de atmospheah wif hit ebery time. If hit done fohget des onct, an‘ lebe hits atmospheah stan’ still, at de speed it whizz round fro de air, I done reckon it wouldn’ leabe a ha'r on a pusson’s haid, So yo' all done see how ‘tis. * Dat dar ball am a-whizzin’ fro space wif hits atmospheah—des wropped up in hit lak—an* hit am lak trablin’ fro a fog whar dey ain't no sort ob steerin’, an’ now an’ den de axel ae Faryis tes he get, under war)—""Migthere ! Stop the boat! gies a letle askew an’ de earth flops outen de race-track an’ runs ag’in a snag er somethin’ lak dat, an’ dat am what cause earthquakes. ~ FAMILY I desure yo" de time ‘s gwine come, w'en we EntrancE jags aside fur ‘nough, dat dey’s gwine be a jolt dat will clap de climate, an’ Gord a'mighty only knows what will happen den.” “De end ob de worl’ gwine come den,” said his companion solemnly. “Lak ‘nough,” said the sable scientist, raising his hat and mopping his dripping brow—" lak 'nough ; but not eben de angels in heaben knows ‘bout dat, an’ I neber mak’s “(gy no ‘sertions I cain’t prove.” Fattie. fter the boat goes through the ice)—"* Well, I can't . kick. I'm better off up here than with those other suckers down (J HETHER you do or do not matters so there,” very little to the world at large. A TOAST. LET others prate of broken hearts And blanch their cheeks with sorrow, Or sing of prudence-ventured darts Returned with thanks to-morrow ; Mine be the task that warms and cheers The blood that trickles through me And stirs my sluggish pulses, Here's To each dear girl who threw me! A‘’CHASER" AFTER A DRINK OF LIQUOR. HIS BEST WISHES. 66] HAD a letter from Clara in Lon- don in which she said she was to be presented at court.” “T hope the poor girl will be ac- quitted.” LOOKING BACKWARD. WHAT have you in the past year won ‘That you at others’ faults should scoff? You find that in the year you've done Most all the things that you swore off, ‘Tis said that they whose throbbing heads Re-echo midnight folly May drain new cups and leave their beds Relieved of melancholy, ‘Then up, my heart! Slip off the fears ‘That well-nigh choked and slew thee. Up, up, Tsay! Now, steady. Here's To each dear girl who threw me ! Thee, Cupid, too, I fain would toast, Nor weary with distresses. Pray, sit thee down and cease to boast Of former grand successes. For what care I for vows and tears Or all the shafts that flew thee? God bless her, here's to Aer! And here's Twynn—" Up in Minneapolis the To each dear girl who threw me! HOW A LADTERAN, opponents of women’s activities never aps DO NETE ATER Hypatta O'Brien—"* Nay, nay, Slobby Slocum ; yer don’t cut no quote what St. Paul said about wo- more ice wid me. Fitz Hugh Donnelly kin cut double eagles, spangled — men’s subjection.” S4GINCE Ove gor older," remarked banners wid de stars in em. waltz, dance jigs, double-shufle an’ turn Triplett —" Why not?” Mr. McGarvey, “Oi shlape a [ian'-springs on de ice. | Nizy, Slobby Slocum ; yer may be a poet all They don’t think much =, ba a right, an’ let yer tell it, but yer lack de ‘ verve'—which is French fer Tuynn— good dale durin’ me wakin’ hours.’ *slap-bang ‘—dat I require in‘a lover.”” of St. Paul at Minneapolis.” LOCAL JEALOUSY. comicbooks.com Bae