Judge — January 4, 1896 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CORNELIA. Mrs. O'Trout—"Since me Cornaylia tuk t' roidin’ a boycoycle Oi've no pace av me loife. What wid worryin’ will she coom home dead, or arristed fur fasht droivin’, or shleigh-roidin’, or not havin’ her gig-lamps loighted. me loife ’s not wort’ shtayin’ in New Yark fu worrukin’ mesilf t' deat” kapi news: shtand an’ havin’ me marnin’ papers shtole be thramps. “She ’s a costoom thot wud shplit th’ head av ye; fur'tis a b’y's cap an’ a man’s toie an’ shurt an’a fish-woife's jackit an’ a poacher’s breeches an’ leggin’s. The only thing thot wud kape ye from think- in’ ye had th’ dilliryum-trimmins is her skurt; an’ thot, Oi'm towld, she’s been sane on th’ king's hoigh- way wid th’ waisht-band av about her nick, loike th’ cape av a Conne- mara poshtman. “ Phwat in th’ wurrld a daycint gurrl wid two rispictable fayte on . ‘ 4 * Miss Stuyvesant—"'I wonder what's the matter with Southwick? He seems to have lost all his friends. Hasn't her wants t' use ‘em t' pusch an’ he any money now pull hersilf along on injy-roober MR. MADISON—"* Yes; just as much as usual. whales fur, loike a cripple wid no ; C EXPERT TESTIMONY. legs, is more than Oi can till, > are “ Th’ proice av th’ machine was siv- 4 tS , "HOw Seeger nel inty-foi jars, : 4 a ing nsignme: inty-foive dollars, but O1 bought it chape AG a baby-carlages ome oa Oh, I shall win.” “Pretty confident, are you?” “Well, I should say so. I've told twenty Brooklyn men my side of the case and every one of them agrees with me.” But he bas given up lending it.” A MATTER OF NECES- SITY. Rev. Mr. Saintly —" You say your sister che' gum? That's a terrible habit.” Willie—" She knows that as well as you do, sir; but she’s trying to stop smoking.” / A BUDDING DIPLOMAT. mcs oe a ent ae Ernet. (aged six)—"* I don’t love you any more, grandpa.” __ Monkey—"* What's the matter with my Gaanbran "Why pot, Kubel riding the wheel ?— ‘ause I love you so much already that I couldn't, love you any more if I tried. Please give me five cents?” ava man thot had broke his own nick wid th’ thing, an’ aldthough it tuk th’ savin's av a year off sody-water an’ goom-dhrops t’ buy it, Oi says U Cornaylia other day whin she was shtartin’ out, Oi says, * Cornaylia O'Throut, if ivir Of coom out on thot bullyvard some avenin’ afther con- fission an’ catch soight av ye besthroidin’ thot thing widout your petticoats, bloomers or no bloomers, Oi'll make tinpinny nails av thot boy coycle, or me name isn’t Anistashay McFagin.’” PLENTY OF ROOM. Tenderfoot (to Texas ranchman after en- gaging his services and “ viewing the landscape o'er")—" I accept your terms; but, really, where am Ito sleep?” Ranchman—Sleep, man? Anywhere, any- where! I've two hundred and fifty thousand acres lying round here loose. I don’t care a snap where you sleep.” OH! Uptodate—" Say, chappie, what is the dif- ference between one of Washington Irving's WILLING TO STOP. tales and the Brooklyn trolley-car?” ErtHet—"' But if you love me so much you certainly Chappie—* Come again.” should be willing to give up your cigars after marriage.” (5 ALGERNON—"* Not ch. ~I've bee ‘ Uptodate—" One is a headless horseman TENE? Bow foe ins bane tier cote: cigars to your papa and brother Bob for the last six months. Bot there was a tail. and the other is a horseless headsman.” After marriage I'll swear off on that.” comicbooks.com