Judge — January 4, 1896 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SPEAR IS CEM FROM JUDGE'S DIC- TIONARY. Christmas-tide—A season of sweet festivity and peace, best in- terpreted by temperate people of moderate wealth who have neither the means nor inclination to satisfy all their desires. ‘There is a pleas- ing fiction connected with the occa~ sion that each must present every other member of the family some token of regard, and papa is consid- erately permitted to pay the freight. Santa Claus—An amiable in- dividual with an aversion to bar- bers; the fabled proprietor of a reindeer-ranch on the confines of Nowhere. His reindeer yield the milk of human kindness which is annually dispensed among the chil- dren of Christendom: “Sandy” is singularly judicious in adapting his presents to the financial standing of the recipients, but would be a much greater benefactor of society were he more of a utilitarian and did not allow his good nature to override his judgment in the selection of gifts. New-year's — The day prodigal sons and daughters await more or 1C' Gf Pese foeKs ; Dont Hold ALL ‘Turn up De Tops, A REMINISCENCE OF CHRISTMAS. How Bobby utilized his sister's golf-stockings. less patiently to renew the moral regeneration neglected since its last re- currence; when the healthy editors recount causes of thankfulness, and dyspeptics enumerate alarming symptoms of societary retrogression, and ordinary mortals determine to relinquish luxuries they are unable longer year.” to procure. DWAKD CLAYTON SAVAGE. 7. THE DEDUCTION OF A MISOGYNIST. [ SWEAR by Master Lempriere, So grieve the more that ne insists, With much-misled mythologists, ‘The sphinx was partly woman, Share ‘This view who will, / must conclude It’s a mistaken one, since she (I grant the feminality) Belies it by the course pursued. ‘Yo make and keep a secret so Till it was guessed—guessed, if you please ; ‘To hold her tongue for centuries And be part woman still? Oh, no! ROWARD W, BARNARD, SHORT AND POINTED. *e\WVHAT a peculiar nose Miss Ww Sharpe has!" “Yes; quite epigrammatic.” ANOTHER RAILWAY HORROR. Miss Grvers—* Here is some change, poor man! How did you lose your voice?” Somnolent Simmons (in « husky whisper)—"1 wuz a-ridin’ on de front end uv an express-train one night, leddy, an’ ic fell off.” AGE RAPIDLY . *+Goop resolutions, Charlie, are a great thing on the first of the new Yes, | know, Jack; but they get to be an old story on the second.” PADEREWSKI IN THE COUNTRY. Mrs, Foppercors—"* Quick, quick, Ezra! A man fell under a load o' hay an’ is a-smotherin’ tew death, I s'pose.” PADEREWSKI (after a short nap)—"* Oxcuse me. I vas shoost dakin’ mein fadigue off mit a leedle shleeb in dees peaudiful coundry admosphere.” comicbooks.com