Judge — November 16, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN AMELIE-RIVES AGONY. HAVE a wee treasure ‘That's dear unto me, Though others may never Its precious charms see. Tis tenderly hidden In rose-leaves away, And jealously guarded By night and by day. Nay, ‘tis not a jewel ‘That dazzles the eyes, Nor aught that a cold heart Could throbbingly prize. Yet fondly I'll keep it, Though time may it mar— "Tis but a wee stub-end Of some one’s cigar. [ANKIE Bt, TOOMRY, THE HORSELESS AGE, Mrs, Wheeler —* How's your husband, dear?” Mrs. Biker— Oh, he still has the night-tricycle terribly.” NOT IN ANY NEED. Old lady—" Well, here’s ten cents for ye; but I should hate to feel that I was encouragin’ ye to drink.” Tramp—"1 don't need no encouragement, mum,” A POETICAL FATE, Miss Porkennan (of Chicago)—"* Tell me, professor ; who was the author of those beautiful lines, * Leaves have their time to take a drop on themselves and flowers to skedaddle at the north wind’s breath’ ?” Proressor Buccs (of Harvard)—" Oh, that fellow was lynched last week for stealing hogs.” A BABY’S PECULIAR NAME, THE happy parents of a new baby who lived in southern Indiana took their infant to church to be baptized. The baby was being raised “by hand,” and where it went its bottle went also. After the. arrival of the christening party at church an acci- dent happened. The nozzle of the milk-bottle came off and the baby’s nice new dress was soaked all down its long front. This annoyed the parents, but nothing could be done, as the time for the ordinance had arrived, When the parents stood before the clergyman, the baby in its moth- er's arms, he looked at the damp dress with a good deal of misapprehen- sion, and to satisfy his curiosity the mother whispered, “ Nozzle came off.” The minister did not seem to understand and turned inquiringly to the father, who said, a little more loudly, hae AT OLD POINT COMFORT. Voice (from the house) —"' It is getting cold, daughter. Hadn't you better put something around you?” DavcuTer—**I have already, mother.” * Nozzle came off.”” The good man understood this time, or at least he thought he did. He took the baby in his arms, sprinkled its forehead. with baptismal water and solemnly said, before anybody could correct him, “ Nozzlecameoff Snyder, I baptize thee,” etc., etc, WILLIAM MesRY stvITER, IN THE MAD RUSH. King of Dahomey—* Welcome to my fighting tiger-lily! How fared you on your American trip? Whence came those scars and who put your terrible right arm ina sling? Yip! Wow, wow!” Queen of Amazons—" Oh, ruler of light and prince of tanks, your slave that has won many bloody battles received these hurts in New York at the counter of bargains.” KNOCKED OUT. Ernet (indignantly)—" You needn't tell me that foot-bail isn’t brutal, Just look at poor Tom Sluggar, the cast-iron half-back.” Brotuer Bor—"' Yes, just look at him.’ The chump might have waited till after the foot-ball season before taking his first bicycle-lesson.””