Judge — November 16, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

idge “A CHIP OF NATURE. E SAID he'd never marry any maiden city bred, with foolish thoughts of fashion running riot through her head. No devotee of modern modes should ever share his life; no woman wise in worldly ways he'd choose to be his wife. “Twas well enough to dance and flirt, to play at linking hearts; to steal a kiss or hold a hand ‘neath Cupid's cunning darts; but when it came to mating, why, ‘twas quite another thing. Upon the hand of In- nocence he'd place the binding ring. He hied him to the country for a certain season's span and wooed and won a daughter freshly reared by nature's plan. Oh, hollowness of human hopes, how mortals will deceive! He found he'd drawn a perfect chip of charming Mother Eve. Right speedily she wanted what she'd never had before, and furled the matrimo- nial sails to reach the social shore. She breakfasts gave at ten a.m. and dinings at high noon; then teas so light at four o'clock and lawn- ings ‘neath the moon. TRIALS OF A DENTIST. Girt (in chair)—"* Now remember, Fred ; if you hurt me Tl break our engagement.” She joined the clubs both large and small, and learned to elocute, and quickly grasped the movement pending ev'ry new dispute. Oh, how she flirted, how she danced! and how she loved to dress!’ And how she laughed to witness her liege husband's dire distress ! When, on the very ragged edge of deepest dark de- spair, the humble knight did sadly plead before his lady fair, she cried, “In waves of mammon I must quench my natural thirst, and after marriage get a taste of what you relished first.” KATE TRADER BARROW. THOSE STREETS. Joknson—" Have you heard that Billings has met with a serious accident?” Munson—" No. How?” : Joknson—" Well, you see he lives in Indianapolis now AT THE FOOT-BALL GAME, and the other day went riding on his bike. In going up Tommy Hicctss—" Hooray ! that’s a touch-down.”" one of the main streets his front wheel overtook the hind *"Squine—*'A touch-down, eh? I should say it wuz a slam-down,” one and the result was a bad smash-up.” HIS LOVE WIDE AWAKE. Mr, Johnson, who has grown suddenly saffron)—" Mistah Johnson, why didn’ yo’ jine in wif us in singin’ dat beautiful Cutates an (of the Bla song. *Cum whah mah luv Mr. Jounson (moodily no dreamer ; she ain't." ‘Cause it's half-pas’ one, an‘ I's dreamin’ whedder I'll git hit wif a flat-iron er on’y a rollin’-pin when I git home. Mah wife ain’ comicbooks.com