Judge, 1895-08-03 · page 6 of 16
Judge — August 3, 1895 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge presents several satirical sketches mocking contemporary American life: **"A Disadvantage"** jokes about a dog's seasonal behavior—useful in winter but distracted by melons in summer, getting seeds in his ears. **"His Excuse"** satirizes gender role reversal: an "emancipated woman" returns home demanding supper, but her husband claims he was delayed at a bargain sale shopping with crowds of men—inverting traditional domestic expectations. **"The Later Tactics"** mocks an overweight Civil War veteran (Grand Army commander) leading parades. His weight makes marching difficult, causing him to grunt "hunch, hunch" with each step, which subordinates mistake for actual tactical commands. **"A Family Matter"** presents ironic domestic humor: after forty years of marriage, the wife claims they've never had cross words—then immediately berates her husband, revealing marital discord beneath surface civility. **"A Miscalculation"** depicts a fat man's failed weight-loss scheme involving cycling; despite losing ten pounds in perspiration, he still requires assistance. These sketches target vanity, gender confusion, military pretension, and domestic hypocrisy—typical Judge satire of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Siage A DISADVANTAGE. N THE winter he is handy, Spring and fall he is a dandy, Bat in summer his alertness disappears. Melons then are too inviting, And he has a way of biting So the melon-rinds and seeds get in his ears ATW. HIS EXCUSE. SS YVHAT! supper not ready yet?" exclaimed the emancipated woman as she threw off her overcoat after a long day's business. “I'm very sorry, dear,” replied her husband; “but there was a bargain-sale at Chintz & Chally’s this afternoon, and there was such a crowd of men there I found it difficult to get what I wanted, and that delayed me.” Copyright by Falk. JUDGE'S FAVORITES, CAROLINE MISKEL-HOYT. Venus. immortal, and the gods’ delight, ‘The artist's dream, the poet's fair ideal, Sent us her understudy, that we might Believe she was a woman, warm and real. Her loveliness, that bafles pen to praise, ‘This picture in some faint degree portrays. THE NEGATIVE PROOF. O'Rorke—* Father Flaherty 's a foine praste an’ an iloquent pracher.”” O'Garahan—"Av coorse ; but Father Staphens [Epis- A MISCALCULATION,. copal] made th’ best spache at th’ cilibration, he did " roel FATMAN —""This is an idea of my own, ut atthe end of ten miles Mr. Fat- 0 Rorke—" Father Staphens! He's no father, fer he jyuhundeed pranks Treciginiwo hamed fod fe, man had lost ten pounds in perspiration has foive childers, be gorra! Shame on yez!" net weight, five pounds in the shade. Catch the idea?? 204 had to be assisted to terra-firma, THE LATER TACTICS, CAPTAIN HH. of the grand-army veterans with advanced years has become corpulent, wheezy and, when on parade. doubtful as to his orders being understood by the warriors in the rear. On Memorial days, when marching at the head of his column with sword in hand, his commands are given in loud and forcible language, to the amusement of the crowd. His weight and short stature make quick-step an effort, forcing a word from him with every step that sounds like “hunch, hunch.” When a change in tactics is required the command comes promptly, “ Hunch, hunch ! Right wheel, boys!) D—n it! right around the corner, boys,” with an insinuating bend H = ; of body and wave of sword. A FAMILY MATTER. Mas Perkins (calmly reminiscent)—" Jonathan, we've bin married forty years next Tuesday an’ never had a cross word yi Mr. Penkins: _ MRS PERKIN Jonathan Verkins, you're a mean, hateful, deceitful old thing, an’ I wouldn't marry you agin fer love ner money ! THE CYNIC. WIEH cheerful voice the optimist eries, “Ah, well, for us all some sweet hope lies."" And the pessimist answers with echoing sighs, “* We generally find that that sweet hope lies.” mt! T’ve stood yer jawin’ purty well.” THE EYE OF THE Law. comicbooks.com