Judge — February 9, 1895 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NAPOLEONIC REVIVAL. © | 4s T ALLEYRAND, these useless ex- travagances of Josephine must be stopped!” cried the emperor one day after examining the imperial budg- et. “I will not see my subjects starve and my wife wearing satin bloomers.” “You shall not see them starve, sire,” replied the diplomat, pulling down the shades; ‘and as for further extravagance rest easy, sire. Yester- day I transferred the entire imperial balance at the bank to my son-in-law.” “And where is he?” “H'm! I transferred him to Nova Scotia, sire.” Fixing upon Talleyrand that piercing glance before which kings were wont to tremble the emperor cried, “Sir, what's the difference between you and George Washington?” “Tl give it up, sire.” “You'd better! Washington “es in his grave.” The great diplomat, doubtful whether to groan or grin, decided upon a middle course and coughed, saying he'd see what he could do about it. (To be continued.) EXPLANATORY, CANADA MALT—" You're an eddicated man, count. Now, wot's a di- ploma ?" Count Cumso—"A doctor's certificate dat you've bin troo col- lege widout dyin’ a violent death.” THAT HUMOROUS BONE. [ F YOU make a funny blunder ‘And you dread your neighbor's chaff You know he clearly saw the point, Although he did not laugh. You can know your friend is trusty, But you also may believe That the “* funny bone,” his elbow, Is laughing “in his sleeve.” HIS INGENUITY. Master —“ Why, Jobn, it seems to me your new trousers are very short.” Man— Well, sir, you see I thought this way—if they was too short I could have ‘em piec- ed down, but if they was too long what could I do?” Cnory—tAw, Miss Ethel, I pwide myself on being a THE TRAMP'S MISTAKE, Narrator (tragically)—"' The tramp raised his hand to his head. There was a puff of smoke, a convulsive shudder, and the poor vagabond fell dead.” Listener—"' That's the first tramp I ever heard of committing suicide.” NARRATOR—" Wholly unintentional, I assure you. The poor fellow had run out of smoking-tobacco and as a last resort had tackled a cigarette-butt.”” HIS GREAT WEAPON. Se THE German emperor re- minds me of a prize fighter.” “ How so?” “He aims to knock out op- Position with his divine right.” AT THE FLOWER- SHOW. Maud— What is the mat- ter, Mabel? You are weep- wwe JUDGE'S PHOTOGRAPHS. Mabel—“\r’s that great Portrait of the woman who really white chrysanthemum, It re- thinks that she is ugly. minds me so of dear litle Fido, who died.” CORRECT. CHoLLy (dropping her hand suddenly\—" Oh, 1 mind-weader, and I can tell what you have been thinking of your pawdon; I should have gone long ago. I weally didn't for the last ten minutes. Just look me right in the eyes.” know it was as late as that,” comicbooks.com