Judge — December 22, 1894 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A CHRISTMAS SURPRISE. S HE asked her experienced father, “* Dear papa, tell me, I pray, What shall I'give my husband To surprise him on Christmas day?” 1 “A present for Clarence ?” he murmured, His mind with past years away, As he thought of his wife's dear presents For which he had had to pay. “* This is sure to surprise him, daughter, If there's anything that will— ‘A gold watch and chain to give him— ‘And include a receipted bill.” CRORGE BIRDSEYE. THE RETORT TRUTHFUL. Undertaker —* How do you do, doctor? Have not seen you for a long time.” Doctor —"\ don't think I have had the pleasure of meeting you.” Undertaker —' Oh, don't you recognize the man who has covered your mistakes daily for the past ten years?” THE INDIAN’S IDEA OF SLEEVE- PUFFS. Heap pic INpIAX—" Wow! Pale-face squaw heap strong—heap big arms.” QUITE SAFE. Particular wife—" \n trying to straighten that picture please don’t wear the wall out.” Hen-pecked husband—"\ wouldn't wear the wall out if it were a very cold day.” WHEN ON HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR. Mr. Stronge—" How-is it that you discharged young Smith? I thought he came highly recommended.” Mr. Green—" So he did; but his recommendations were from his rector, his Sunday-school superintendent, and his bible-class teacher, and you can bet that after this we will only employ some one who is recommended by those who know him the other six days of the week.” PRocREst Cast A COMMON ‘OCCURRENCE. PLEASED. im Germ Cpgraranrareet This is only what we see every day—a little man trying to keep LOOK of great joy step with a big one and trying to look as if it was no trouble at all. came into the face of the fair young heir- ess. “Yes,"" she murmured softly; “my name has been in the papers five times in the last week. Her governess visibly started. “* You should not care for such things,” she observed, “But how can I help it?” replied the heiress. “Once"—a glad smile came to her lips—" they spelled it right.” WHITE IS ALWAYS THE BEST. Chloe—" Did yo’ hang up yo" stockin'?” Aunt "Liza—"Yes, ine deed, chile; but it war brack, an’ I guess ole Santa couldn't see it.” MISTLETOE AND ROSE, WHEN you'd have kisses for your food And be to love a debtor, Under the mistletoe is good— Under the Rose is better. “How are the pains today? No better? THE advent of the shirt- Then don’t take any more of the pills.” stud may be the real PaTient—"'I haven't taken any of them, doctor.” f th : Docror—" That accounts for it, Take them as di- Cause of the scarcity of mar- rected.” riages. comicbooks.com