Judge, 1894-12-22 · page 7 of 16
Judge — December 22, 1894 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains three separate satirical stories mocking middle-class pretension and children's behavior. **Main story**: Mr. and Mrs. Dewtell attempt to hide Christmas gifts from their three-year-old son by spelling words aloud ("d-o-l-l," "c-a-n-d-y"). The joke: their scheme backfires when young Philly, overhearing the spelling game, asks his grandmother what the letters mean and learns their secret. By Christmas dinner, he demands a bicycle and candy instead—outwitting their deception entirely. The closing joke suggests the parents will now hide Christmas plans by speaking Chinese behind locked doors. **Secondary stories** include brief humor about a man claiming he'd need Sister Sue's stocking to hold all his Christmas gifts, and a sculptor named Mudsling commissioned to create a Bismarck statue who becomes so absorbed in perfectionism that it collapses—satirizing artistic pretension. The satire targets parental vanity and the futility of deceiving clever children.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE RUSE THAT FAILED. R. AND MRS. DEWTELL had formed the habit, as Christmas approached, of spelling certain words for the more complete mystification of their three-year-old son. Conversations similar to the following were frequent: “Mamma"—Mr. Dewtell al- ways called Mrs. Dewtell “mam- ma’ after the hopeful had arrived— “mamma, how would a r-o-c-k- isn-g-h-o-r-s-e please P-b-i-l-I-y?” “@b, ever so much!” cried Mrs, Dewtell enthusiastically. “And a big d-o-I-l and some c-a-n-d-y.” “Ob, not too much c-a-n-d-y,” MIGHT GET MORE, Younc BROTHER —"* Going to hang up your stocking Christmas eve, Mr. Spooner?" Mr. Spooner ( facetiously)—"* No, Johnny ; I'd get so much my stocking wouldn't hold.it."” YOUNG BROTHER (confidentially)—*‘1'll tell you what! Borrow one of Sister Sue's." said Mr. Dewtell. for h-i-s tre-e-t- Hearing of young Mudsling’s great talents asa so on, sculptor, a committee of the National Liberale Verein Philly “listened calls on him and orders a statue of Bis- by marck for their society. open-mouthed. “Papa, what isa d-o-L1?” he asked anx- iously. “Oh, never: mind, my on," said Mr.Dew- tell, winking at his wife. “Nothing important. Go on eating your pudding. Philly went on eat- ing his pudding and al- so continued his think- Mudsling at once procures all portraits of the ing. Next morning he great statesman obtainable and sets to work to went to his grandmo- model the! samme. ther’s to spend the day, and during the visit asked her some very searching questions, to ENVY. which Feloling nities Mus, Dootay—"'It's too proud yez are t' talk, Norah Foley, since yez 7 won th’ boicycle in th’ tin-cint raffle; but if thim ain't yer ould man’s pants precocity,sheinnocent- Gym saeow ly replied. That evening at dinner Mr. Dewtell-inquired, “Well, mamma, did you get the d-o-ll as we agreed?” Before his mother could answer Philly broke in, aggrieved, “T-don’t want any d-o-I-I!" he cried, waving his spoon threateningly. | “I want a b-i-c-y-c-le and lots of c-acn-d-y!" Mr. and Mrs, Dewtell, are studying Chinese with a view-to next Chtistmas, and intend to con- verse therein behind padded and double-lockéd doors. TLOMENCH fe PRATT. —and awaits the committee's call: “And now, gentlemen, prepare,” says Mudsling. yay pale boy! he never figured on the soft THE COLLAPSED STATUE, ‘ comicbooks.com