Judge — December 1, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE IMPRESSED AT LAST. F THERE'S one thing I detest more than any- thing else,” said a vivacious New York girl one afternoon, * it is the task of showing an unap- preciative visitor the city sights.” “Have you had to do that lately ?” asked one of her auditors. “Yes, I have. One of papa’s customers who lives in St. Louis, and who buys an awful lot of goods, sent word that his daughter was going to visit New York, and would papa see that she enjoyed herself? Of course papa promised, and | had to do the entertaining. She was a nice, quiet sort of a gifl, but I think she had made up her mind not to be surprised at any- thing. We lunched at Delmonico’s, and she made no com- ment on the food or the service. We drove through Cen- tral park, and she was silent. We Metropolitan mu- seum of art and MIXED. THE prima-donnas do not speak, The leading men revile ‘The pugilistic stars who seek ‘To counterfeit their style. “Tis hard to find some means exact By which to set them right ; The fighters all desire to act — The actors want to HARROWING. hat a number of ham lets were destroyed by the fire in the northwest the man about town. “1 do not doubt it iri the least,” replied Mr. Storm: ington Barnes. “These have been indeed most un- fawch'nate times for the legetimate drawma.” THE LAST RESORT. First woman physician —" After trying in vain almost every remedy known to science I have at last conquered Mrs. Blank’s melancholia and roused her mind to a condition of healthy interest.” Second woman physician —" You must have re- sorted to extreme measures.” ‘ irst woman physician —*\ did. L explained to Z her with minute detail the van Babbington-de Car- [7 rollton divorce scandal.” said EXPLAINED ITSELF, Pat —"* Phwat the divil is a le girl,’ anyhow fret—* Oi'm surproised at yure ignorance, Oi am. Sure 'S one as roydes one of the things.” EXPLAINED. SSYVHAT is the secret of your long hair?” asked an inquisitive stranger of a fel- low-passenger whose locks were the wonder of the car. | “I'm the halfback of the Ci GGHE UNIONDR ESS OP Ail foot-ball team at the insane- Shakespeare, asylum.” — Hold on fer yer life, Bill ! Pouice. carrain —"* Well, i patrol-wagon fer ten years. Bring ‘em both in, Sullivan.” UNDER THE NEW RULES, MotneR—" Ob, my dear boy, I hate to have you play that dread. spent a day in the ful gam ALL PLAYER —"* Now, mother, don’t be foolish; you know that under the new rules the game is as harmless as tiddlewinks.”” she never expressed a word of satisfaction. We went to West Point on a daylight boat, and the scenery of the Hudson never impressed her. We climbed into the head of the statue of Liberty, and she never even said it was ‘real cute.’ We visited all the summer resorts within half-a-day’s ride from the city, bathed in the surf and saw everything there was to see, and it was just the same, I despaired of getting her to say that anything pleased her, but I was con- scientiously trying to show her all that I thought might possibly interest her, and so I took her to Greenwood cemetery. At last I had struck her fancy, As we were leaving, she cast a longing look behind and said, ‘Oh, Miss Flora, if I could only be buried in Green- wood I should be willing to die right off!" And that was the only comment she made about all the sights I had shown her.” WILLIAM HENRY SIVITIR, THANKSGIVING IN THE SHANTY. UNCLE MOSES not the turkey. Where from I would hate to tell; Old Aunt Dinah, slyly winking, Picked it, dressed, and cooked it well. 7 When around the shaky table On that bright Thanksgiving dav, Uncle Mose cried, “* Bob yo’ heads, lar, \. All yo" chillun ; let us pray.” “Tank de Lawd fo' all dese bless- in's,”” Solemnly he whispered, then Every blesséd pickaninny Gasped for joy and shricked “Amen!” tone 1. jones, it ain't old Ben, that run with the comicbooks.com