Judge — December 1, 1894 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THANKSGIVING BIRD. ALAS! my crimson-throated, kingly bird, Soon we, like thee, will swell and gobble too. Thou It get it in the neck without a word, And men will knock the stuffing out of you. For weeks thy human servitors have brought Thy food at dewy eve and frosty morn, Soon we shall know if all our care is naught, Or if thy juicy flesh doth own the corn, And we have stood thy sauce in days now past As thou didst strut amid the garden-trees. Now thou perforce must stand our sauce at last— A sauce composed of good stewed cran- berries. Misfortune and the cook have served thee up ; Fate, the bold sharper, he hath done thee brown, Thy dearest friend will cut thee ere he sup ; Thy fate to-day will be the talk of town, REFORM IS NEEDED. HY don’t they hang red- handed murderers now and wait till business is dull to HE MIGHT KILL ANOTHER. Farmer WAyBACK—"' Be mighty careful, M thet dog. Why, only last night he killed er shee ODE TO THE GOBBLER. OME. forth, come forth, oh, much beloved bird! Come forth upon the platter hot and white, While our glad souls to ** melodies unheard” Roll on the ocean of a grand delight. Oh, gild our visions till they're rosy bright And fairy-land ’s about the table thrown, While we attack thee with our main and might Until with rapture heaven-sent we groan And cannot keep awake to snap thy dear wish- bone. Although no lively nightingale or lark In song's sweet sphere, a merry bird thou art. try them? HAD TAKEN THE PLEDGE, Bagley— They tell me that the man who leaves whisky alone makes the best kind of an arctic explorer.” Batley— “I know, Bagley: but I've sworn off on the arctic- exploration business.” POINTING A MORAL. +4 JARVIS, my boy Gatherdust, “mind your ‘Thy stuffing and thy meat, both light and dark, Wake a responsive sunshine in the heart. When on the tree to which thou dost depart ne i At tranquil eve, whose purple shadows fall Soft as sleep’s kiss about thee, do we start FOWL PLAY. “Yes, father; though I'm With pleasant thoughts of board and banquet-hall Miss Henrterta—'I do think it scandalous that Tcan‘t go out for ffaid_you don’t get much of While thou art undisturbed, rolled in a dreamy at bet he a stroll without being followed by those kodak fiends." that kind of thing in the clas- J sics.” “That's where you are wrong. One of the best lessons is that of Achilles, His fate shows how dangerous it is to go into any enterprise with- out being well heeled.’ classics while you are in college. Keep your eye open for tips that'll help you in business.” Tut now, alas! we see thee at thy best Upon the dish, all juicy, crisp and brown, ‘Thou canst not run away with fear opprest And ‘neath thy great wing hide thy scarlet crown. Thou still must linger, all our cares to drown, And be the gobbled gobbler, balmy, rare, Dear to the heart of emperor and clown, Who e’er pronounce thee with a gracious air The bird of freedom on Thanksgiving’s bill-of-fare, ‘Thou to Thanksgiving day must ever be What Santa Claus is to the Christmas-tide. ‘Thou art a thousand gifts in one. Ah, me! When gayly steaming in thy roasted pride— “Tis then with knife and fork we for thee glide Swift as the morning wind, or asa shot, 5 And in ferocious silence deified We eat and eat and bless our hap- py lot, Until we have no room for the plum-pudding hot. “OH, PRETTY GOOD.” + HAVE you been successful in affairs of the heart?” she asked of an old-time ac- quaintance. “Well, rather,” was the re- ply. “Twenty thousand from one suit, cight thousand apiece ‘This man is stuck up because he from three others, and half a isa foot-ball player, dozen brought me a thousand.” GIVING THE DOCTOR THE CREDIT, Doctor—"* You have only a few moments left to live. Have you anything to say?" Patirxt—"* On'y dis, doctah—dat yo've made an a’mighty quick job ob comichooks/car