Judge — February 24, 1894 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

n6 BAD HOURS. Dobson says that he has frequently been up nights with the prince of wails, LOST DELIGHTS. ENNIE was going to visit grandma and grandpa and Alf must remain at home. What a bitterness! The podr boy could eat no supper for the salt that got into it through his falling tears. “You let Jennie go everywhere,” he sobbed. without n * Be re “She always goes there onable, little man,” ex- postulated mamma * Did Jennie ever go there without you before 2” "Yes, she did,” sobbed Alf. When?" * Before 1 was born.” MR. JUMBO. THe least exertion makes him blow And leaves him speechless, weak and panting. Now when T hear he fasts 1 know He is not keeping Lent, but banting. Mk. Harprack—' man?" \S you want a job, eh? Are you a temperate Mose Lincum —** Well, sah, I'se kind ob a mugwump on de liquor question.” Mr. Hagprack— Mose. Lincus— Well, sah, my prin hat do you mean?" les is total abstinence— total abstinence, sah; but I takes a drink when I feels like it.” HE world is better far, And something good is done, When two fools married are— A BITTER ORDEAL. “ Why, Clara, how distressed you look!" Cruger Jones —"V've been crying my eyes nearly out over a horrible mistake in that account of our last re- ception. such a lovely description of my new white silk, but "— bursting into tears. appears as if it were worn by that hateful Miss Smith.” was a woman.” JUDGE ELIMINATION. For then they are made one. Miss Delancey de Veve— Miss van Rensselaer The reporter gave NOT SOUND. Rounpasout — ** What would you call this, a melo- drama?” StTycuss—"* Mellow ! I should say it was rotten.” Miss Delancey de Vere —* But what, dear?” Miss van Rensselaer Cruger Jones —** But he's got it on the wrong person. It Miss Delancey de Vere—"| don't think it is any mistake. I believe the reporter HORRIBLE RUMOR. ITTLE FRANCES came home from the kindergarten and an- nounced that she had refused to take hold of Freddy Brown's hand when the circle was formed. “ Why was that, Frances ?” asked mamma. “Because, mamma,” replied the indignant little lady, “1 heard a rumor that Freddy Brown squeezes little girls’ hands.” 1, ISS it i} NECESSITY’S LAW. Mr. Brownstone —" Why, the ex- penses of the fair toward the last were more atrocious than ever. It was as much as ever I could do to save out a fifty-dollar note for the palace-car por- ters on the home trip.” A GOOD GUESS. Trotter—“ Say, old man, 1 sup- pose you can’t lend me ten dollars.” Barlow —* No, my dear boy ; but aman with your capacity for guessing the right thing ought to be able to win a fortune down in Wall street.” A DIFFICULT JOB. AtGy—"' Here's a fellah, ye know, twav- eled {wom New York to San Fwancisco on a wager an’ didn’t spend a cent.” CLAweNcE—" That's nothing, ye know. When I started for Europe lawsd year I didn't have a dollar in cash in me clothes, but I was gone four months and had a howwibly nice time.” NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. Bingo—" Do you do much talking at the woman's guild you've joined ?* Mrs. Bingo (sadly) —" No. All the women in the neighborhood be- long to it.” Atcy —" How did you do it? CLARENCE — * Had a letter of © t, ye know. Haw! That’sa bottle on you, Algy.”” HONEST. Father —" How late is that young man of yours. in the habit of staying, Maria?" Maria — \ don't know, sir, The clock is stopped whenever he calls.” A SEVERE REMEDY. “My barber used to ask a thousand questions 1g me, but now he hurries up the job in silence.” “Indeed ! how do you manage it?" —'‘T eat heartily of raw onions just before going to his shop.” A DEBT of gratitude lawed. comicbooks.com