Judge, 1893-08-26 · page 5 of 16
Judge — August 26, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"Prosaic"** mocks the gap between romantic ideals and mundane reality—a woman dreams of becoming a celebrated poet but ends up running a boarding house, her verses read only by a mouse. **"Incidents of Travel"** satirizes travelers' boastfulness. A returned European tourist claims to have played poker with four kings aboard ship—a transparent exaggeration meant to illustrate how travelers embellish their stories for social status. **"Didn't Have 'Em"** jokes about Presbyterian austerity: a man requests a "cool seat" in church; the sexton's reply that it's Presbyterian (implying Presbyterians don't provide comfort) becomes a dig at the denomination's perceived severity. **"Swelled"** uses fish as metaphor—one fish has become arrogant after overhearing an angler's tall tale about "the one that got away." **"Will It Come To This?"** shows a man driven mad by a newspaper missing-word puzzle contest, his speech fragmented like the puzzle itself. The overall theme: **things aren't what they seem**—dreams fade, travelers lie, and obsessions distort reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“This is as cool and delightful a day as one could wish. I'll just step over and see what the thermometer says.— —Great Scott! Ninety-nine! This is awful.” PROSAIC, “*And I will be the queen of song, Peerless, unrivaled and alone; My fame will thunder through all time, Challenged by none.” WOMAN waking had a dream : She thought that all her talents would Be spent in one broad channel and Result in good. She said, ‘' I'll be a poetess, And write such verses that all men. Who read will marvel at the gems Dropped from my pen. ‘That was her dream ; but real life Has common issues, common work Which must be met and conquered, though We fain would shirk. No editor would print her lines ; No one enjoyed them but a mouse Who nibbled them. ‘Their author keeps A boarding-house. INCIDENTS OF TRAVEL. E HAD just returned from Europe, and, like most tourists, reveled in the descrip- tion of persons and places that he saw. His friends aided him by a question now and then, so the reminiscent traveler was perfectly happy. : “And how about Switzerland ?” he was asked. “ Of—of course, after London, Paris and Berlin we saw the Alps, and thereafter went up to Vienna and then on to St. Petersburg.” “And did you have any experi- ence with royalty?” “Oh, yes" and his face grew suddenly sorrowful. “I ran up against four kings in a poker game ‘on the steamer homeward bound.” YRANCHS ISABEL CURRIE, DIDN’T HAVE ’EM. Old gentleman (to sexton)— “Give me a nice cool seat.” Sexton—" This is a Presbyte- rian church, sir.” “Great Scott! Here's a meal for a hungry man,— First Pisi—' SECOND Fish—"* Oh, he's had the swell-head ever since he got off a fisher- man’s hook and heard him tell another angler what a monstrous big fish he came near landing.” SWELLED, . What's the matter with the little one?" WILL IT COME TO THIS? Donns (excitedly) —"* Have you — anything of a— walk- ing down the — with a tall ——? Honps—"* Sir?” Dosss—"*I scoundrel, . say, my —— has just now —— with a — Have you —— them?" Howss—"* Confound it, sir! what do you mean?” Dosss—"* Don’t get —. ably —, Hopps—'* My good fellow, you are mad.” Donns (bitterly)—'* No, my friend, I'm not mad, but I might as well be, I have only been working on a missing-word contest for the'last week.” have — duped, sir—miser- —Looks rather savage. P’r'haps he'll fight — —Here goes for a good old peck.” THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM. comicbooks.com