Judge, 1893-07-29 · page 5 of 16
Judge — July 29, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous sketches typical of late 19th-century American humor magazines. **Notable items:** **"Following the Market"** satirizes stock brokers obsessing over commodity prices (cotton, flour, wheat), with the joke that wheat's sudden drop represents catastrophe. **"An Inopportune Shot"** references **Lizzie Borden**, the notorious 1892 axe-murder case. A character named Winslow Daincerfield declines Sunday hunting, claiming he has "too much se'f-respec'" (self-respect)—the dialect and context suggest dark humor about avoiding violence on the Sabbath, with an implicit reference to Borden's infamous hatchet murders. **Other sketches** include mild domestic humor: a wife unwilling to walk far, two women befriending each other only to catch unmarried brothers, and a boy eating his mother's pie while she's absent. The page is primarily **satirical commentary on everyday American life**—social pretension, marital dynamics, and topical crime references—rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FOLLOWING THE MARKET, Mr. Bonn (the broker)—"* Let me see. Cotton re- mains steady, flour is rather wavering, and- Ha! it is as I suspected, ‘The worst has come. Wheat has taken a sudden — A SUGGESTION TO DISAP- POINTED HUMORISTS. To the editor of JUDGE. Dear sir—The writer is obliged to return to you much excellent matter which you sent back to him because it is impossible to find room in his desk for it. What's the matter with giving it another inning ? Or this: To the editor of JUDGE. Dear sir—The writer regrets that he cannot make use of the manuscript which you returned to him, and he begs you to pass it under your eve again, Or this: To the editor of JuvGe. Dear sir—The return to you of a manu- script which you have declined does not imply lack of confidence in your judgmient. It may have been rejected for many reasons aside from its merit—such as lack of time to glance at it, failure’ to ascertain what the article was about, In such cases the writer is always willing to return manuscripts. w. tL moxpow. AN INOPPORTUNE SHOT. WinsLow DaincErFigp — me go gunnin’ on de sabbuf da I's got too much se’f-respec’.' IN CENTRAL PARK. Mr. Bloomingdale— Come, Lydia, let's take a nice after-dinner walk around the reservoir.” Mrs. Blooming dale— Oh, dearest, you know I could never stand it to walk so far; but let's go half-way round and back.” A “SHAVING 5! A DOUBLE REASON. ISS PARADE and Miss Beach Go so much with each other Not for friendship, but each Has an unmarried brother. VICARIOUS SUFFERING. Mrs. Witherby—" Won't you have another piece of pie, Willie?” Willie Slimson—" Mother told me not to take it for myself, but as she isn’t here I don’t mind eating her piece.” 53 THE BIG AND THE LITTLE OF IT. 66 \W/HAT is your name, little boy?” said a nd what is her name?” “Minnie, mum.” SURE SIGN. Farmer Plantain— “Philo Hay has gone out of his mind.” Joblots—" You don't say so!" Farmer Plantain— “Plum crazy. Don't know his neighbor's hogs from his own.” NO EXCUSE. Impatient patron — “Why didn’t you stop with a piece of ice when you passed the house two hours ago?” Zeeman—"Couldn't cut it. [hadn't my axe with me.” Impatient patron—" Oh, you hadn't, hadn't you? Why didn’t you borrow one of Lizzie Borden's hatchets ?” ; TRIALS OF THE NARROW- CHESTED. He (would-be athlete)—“ May I take you out rowing ?” She—"\'m afraid it’s a little too early.” He—“Boating is always in season when the weather 's fine.” She—"Yes; but I'd want to wear my bathing-suit, you see.” 2. Rev. Mr. Durrie (asa shotgun report and something else reaches him)—" 1 'clar’ t’ goodniss! dat rubbish 's got $0 much se'f-respec’ ob he’s own he yain't got none lef" fo’ he's bettahs.” comicbooks.com