Judge — July 15, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOW SNIDER SOLD HIS “ DOR FOR A DACHSHUND. 1, His Frienp — “Say, old man, . dachshunds are the only dogs selling these days." CLEARLY. 66 HAT is the Ww proper way of addressing the admiral of the fleet ?” “Your warship.” 2. duDbE A DEEP INJURY. «+s YOU—you passed me to-day on the street,” sobbed the fair girl, “and d-d-didn't even look at me.” “ Where was it?" inquired the young man anxiously. “D-d-down-town,” was the tearful answer. “I—I was in the c-car, while you were hurrying along the street just as though I—I never cvisted ” IN BOSTON. Ethel (aged nine)—“ My sis- ter is very ac- complished. She is now learning to play the ban- joseph.” So Snider gets an idea— HADN’T RECEIVED SO MUCH. Riley—"1 hear you have had a windfall of fifty thousand dollars by your uncle's will, old boy?" Spender—" It was only a zephyr-fall of fifty.” PRICES TO SUIT. oy HERE is a bridal-suit advertised for four dollars and a half.” “That is cheap—even cheaper than a divorce-suit.” 3. ——which he puts into effect — A MEDICAL PARADOX, New secretary— Doctor, here's a Mr. Mowbray writes if you don’t send his medicine he'll regain all he’s lost by your four- months’ treatment.” Doctor —" Oh, yes; a fat-cure man.” UNDOUBTEDLY SO. He—" Emperor William is the vai world.” She—" How so?” He: it at all.” Vom the Bottsville poker-club)—"* Call me, eh? was jes’ er bluffin’.”” jinest man in the 42 Pa —— 4. ——and it works like— Je would rather use the personal pronoun meanly than not use ei yg} 4, senire CALLED ON A BLUFF. Crow—"' Caw-yer! caw-yer! caw-yer!" FarMer Botts (who has finished the night under a tree after an evening with Wa-al, gol durn it all! take the pot. I NO USE FOR HIM. Tye FAMILY PHYSICIAN—" Well, Tommy, how do you like the new little brother?” Tommy—'" He don't amount to much. I jest offered him a cigarette an’ he wasn't gentleman enough to take it.” ON BOARD THE PALACE-CAR. Mrs. Woodbie—" Conductor, raise this window, please. The air ‘onductor, don’t raise that window, please. I am extremely susceptible to draughts.” Mrs. Woodbie—" Conductor, I insist on your raising this window instantly. 1 am not going to be poisoned with foul air for anybody.” Mrs. Hasbin—" Conductor, it you raise that window and I get the pneumonia I shall prosecute this company.” Mrs. Woodbie (gasping) —" Raise the window, conductor! I am going to f-faint!” (Conductor raises window.) Mrs. Woodbie (reviving)—" There! I knew all I needed was a little fresh air.’ Mrs. Hasbin (shivering) —“U-u-g-h! that awful draught! Cond-ductor, you will have to cha-a-nge my se-eat.” Conductor (politely)—"1 scarcely think it will be necessary, madam. The window is a double one. I've only raised one.” DEFINITE INFORMA- TION. Miss Giddy—"\ was born in ‘sixty-nin Jones—" This century 2” SIZING HER UP. Milliner—" Where is your home, madam?” Customer —"1 did live in Jersey City, but I have moved to Hoboken.” Milliner—* Would you like to look at some last year's bon- che nets or year before last ?” CORRECT. te JOHNNY, where is Ilinois >” “In Chicago.” NEEDS A MAG- NIFIER. Jones —""\'m told that your prospects are fine, old fellow.” Smith —“So fine that I can’t see “em.” 6, The result.