Judge, 1893-06-10 · page 5 of 16
Judge — June 10, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor circa the 1880s-90s: **"A Misapprehension"** mocks etiquette-obsessed society: a young man, following a new etiquette book's advice to hide his watch chain, instead displays an ostentatiously large one—defeating the book's purpose through literal misreading. **"At the Pop-Corn Stand"** uses Irish-dialect humor (common to the era) with Mrs. Mulvaney planning to buy rat traps disguised as popcorn equipment to "burst" her children's bones—dark humor presented as working-class comic relief. **"Overriding Technicalities"** satirizes pension fraud: a widow's claim succeeds by exploiting a technicality (her husband was the army's youngest soldier) rather than actual hardship. **"The Usual Course"** jokes that even burglars recognize monopolistic consolidation: when one complains of business competition, his friend suggests forming a trust—referencing the era's growing corporate trusts. Other vignettes mock college luxury, epitaphs, and Irish-accented rural complaints about bad roads.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A MISAPPRE- HENSION. ND now, because his new etiquette- book says the watch- chain should be “out of sight,” young Laytly Innit appears at the Bon-ton reception dis- playing such a speci- men of that useful ar- ticle as astonishes be- holders. Thus does the evil of slang work “pits THE pit.” woe in our best society. AT THE POP-CORN STAND. Mrs. Mulvaney—" Come away, childhren, an’ Oi'll buy yez wan 0’ thim wire rat-thraps wid a long handle an’ we'll bursht thim banes oursilves.” IMPROVING THE OCCASION. She (looking over display of wedding-presents)—“* What v4 <xta . Y a magnificent lot!" TOWARD THE BOTTOM OF THE SCALE. He (who was rejected the night before) —" Rosalie, Ritey (with exceeding great comfort}—'* I's all very well, Cronin, fer thim big bugs t’ tes . . fs live th’ ways they do, but give me contintmint, me boy; give me contintmint. (As Afrs. isn’t this enough to make you change your mind? Kiley enters.) Phwat'in hivin’s nem hov yez ir yure hat, Mathildy ?” Mrs, Ritey—''A goose-wing, Parthrick.”” Ritey—'* Tek it out, an’ Oi bays yez an ostrick-phlume t'-morry. Mulchy’s woife wears thim, an’ him gittin’ sivinty-foive cints a day agin me dollar an’ a quarther.”” OVERRIDING TECHNICALITIES. S+LTER pension-claim appealed to the sympathies of con- gress.” “Yes. She proved her husband was the youngest man in the army and left her with fourteen small children to support.” THE USUAL COURSE. Noted burglar—" Business ain't what it used to be. There's too much competition. Friend—" Well, why don't you form a trust?” cae NOT JUST WHAT IT SEEMED. ; 4 yl Mr. MOLLISON (visiting his son's college-room)—"* Well, for downright luxury, com- fort and elegance this beats my old quarters at Yale, in ‘forty-four, all hollow.” Vote (from the dressing-case)—* Pall this drawer out, will you, dad? I've been hazed in here for an hour.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. E XPERIENCE is possession. Happiness may loiter, but rarely idles. There is nothing so ill-timed as untimely laughter. There is nothing so difficult to strike as a moral average. The happy man is not given to subjective speculative analysis. The artist deals not with economies either of time, material or pains, The woman who reforms a man by mar- rying him confers upon herself a doubtful honor, KATHERINE GROSJRAN, THE DELPHIE EPITAPH. Primus —"That old villain Scruggs’s epitaph is‘ Well done, good and faithful serv ant.’ Not very appropriate, eh?” A ROUGH ROAD. Secundus —"Yes, it is. It's supposed Easer Rien (who is on a springless wagon) —"' Isn't th-i-is a w-w-wather w-w-wough w-w-woad?” tocbecthe dedi tioniertia atten ce Cyctone Run (contemptuonsly)—" Rough! Do ye call this rough? Jest wait till we git ter Gallopin Z Ridge, whar we'll be goin’ up-hill one minnit an’ down th’ next, strikin’ stiimps, bowlders an’ sich like, an’ man, a-leanin’ over precipices till th’ chances are dollars ter doughnuts we'll keel over.” comicbooks.com