Judge — February 25, 1893 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FIXING HIM. Pa (at one a.m.)—" Confound that dude down. ——Ah, that’s it. Now to pull the string up puperep— orn stairs! T'll fix him to-morrow night. — through the’ floor.” upeiet—"‘Ah, dearest, I must say good-bye ! (ihc yepigtioes UP EARLY. Van Winkle— “What makes you pay your cook so much?” Von Blumer — “She's worth it. She has insomnia.” THAT WORD. Sammy (read- ing) —“Ma, what does d.d. mean?” Pious mother— * Doctor of divinity, Sammy. Read it aloud. I'm always ‘ ¢ glad to help you in 4 Yo useful reading.” : | Sammy—“Well, PA (up-slairs, pulling string }—'* Good-bye !" Tcan't make much sense out of this—‘ Get out of this, you doctor of divinity scoundrel.’ And Sammy's mother was horrified, as she looked over his shoulder, to find his literature irreligious. Mars. McMortarty—"' Phwat is yure son doin’ now, Mrs. O'Rafferty 7° Mrs. O'RAFFERTY—"' Shure he’s adopted th’ shtage as a profission.” Mrs. McMoriarty—"A Fift’-avenoo shtage, is it?” Mrs, O'Rarrerty—" Be away wid yure nonsinse! It’s an actor he He do be a loight comadian, Mrs, McMortarry—"‘A loight comadian, is it?” Mrs. O'RarFerty—" Yis. He shtands beyant a back curtain wid his mouth t'a hole ferninst a candle, an’ whin Pawnce Oike shoots at th’ candle he blows it out.” WHYS. HY does a man when he sits down always move the chair? I have seen men tug at the seat in a railroad train until they grew as red in the face as lobsters. Force of © habit. Why do alleged smart men sneer at the light head-gear of the weaker sex? Again, why does one seldom see a bald- headed woman? The wise man with an overcoat for his brain grows a high forehead trying to point out woman's vanity and disregard for comfort. Why does a woman always turn to the last page of a novel after reading the first chapter? This same question was put to Moses a good many hundreds of years ago, when they engraved upon stone. At that early age women who read carried crowbars to turn over the last tablet after perus- ing the first. Reading was all heavy and hard then, M.S, KELLER, THE PARAGRAPHER'S VICTIM. Primus —"Jobson has lost his place as clerk at Primus—A Boston girl came in and bought some gar- den-hose and he threw in a pair of garters.” ALGERNON—"* You have doubtless read my little poem, ‘ The Sunlit Cloud’s Lament,’ in which I have endeavored to commune with nature's heart in a new and subtle theme that invites the soul to most zxsthetic flights. While such word-clothed thoughts can ill be esti- mated by the sordid medium of worldly wealth I have called—er—that is, what am I to receive a8 compensation?” Epitor-—" Well, send your halo down to-morrow and we'll have it blocked for you free.” comicbooks.com