Judge, 1893-01-14 · page 4 of 18
Judge — January 14, 1893 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains three separate satirical pieces: **"The Garden Gate"** is a nostalgic lament about lost youth. An aging narrator watches young couples courting at a garden gate—a traditional Victorian courting spot—and reflects on his own youthful indiscretions breaking gates and hearts. The satire mocks sentimental romanticization of the past while acknowledging that youth is temporary and reckless. **"One Disadvantage of a Wedding"** jokes about newlyweds displaying all their wedding gifts simultaneously to avoid offending donors—a petty social obligation that creates cluttered interiors. **"A Wise Doctor"** satirizes a physician's illogical prognosis: saying a patient is doing well *but* expressing hopelessness if he dies—a circular, meaningless statement mocking incompetent or evasive doctors. The dialect humor in the dialogue pieces reflects period-typical ethnic stereotyping common to *Judge*.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GARDEN GATE. Eulogy, elegy, lament. H, YES; the garden gate, the garden gate! How fraught with memories that will endure till Iam old and gray and rich and toothless! Something to talk of in the far-off time to be, when I stroke my polished pate, gather my chubby grandchildren to my knees, gaze into the fading fire in the grate and half listen to the mournful rushing of the shivering winter storm out- side the gleaming windows. There is no consolation at the garden gate for me to-night. The gate I swung on years and years ago has long since gone the way of all the world; has long since mouldered to a ruin picturesque; has long since become a prey to the ruthlessness of a thoughtless, heedless age; has long since been usurped in the dead of night by some vandal Italian, and now adorns the side wall of his hut in Shantytown; has long— My dimming sight beholds a spectacle that stirs my heart to tears. I look from my splendid window to-night and, behold! a new generation fills the place I filled in days of yore. Well, well! I was ycung once too, my brave young man so heedless of the passing hour, and in my time I too broke many gates and many coy, defenseless maid and widow hearts, Go in, young man, go in! She is, like all her sex, young and beauti- ful and thoughtless; the family caning has been fed fresh meat to-night ONE DISADVANTAGE OF A WEDDING. _ YOUNG BRINE—"* You See, these clocks were wedding presents, and we are obliged to have them all out for atime. Don’t want to show any partiality or cause ill feeling among the donors, you know.” by special mandate from the powers that be; so have never a fear, but tell the old, old story as you rock in dreamland on the garden gate. For youth ix not perennial, young man, and a gate soon follows in the com- mon track of life. Old time is still a-flying and a-sighing. ‘Then lean well over the garden gate, for it leads to bliss and heaven. And as you grow forgetful of the world and all its tasks and cares, the blue infinitude in which you swing will welcome down a host of ap- proving angels; for see! the track of moonlight shining on you even now seems like their approving smile. For the maiden at the gate is Gertrude, and I, in biding here behind i 1 feilow’s?" this silken screen, am Gertrude’s pa. I have fitted her out regardless for Saly, Longfeilow’s? . fl gainatinns Mista Eaty—""No, indeed, I'doan’ laik dem longfellahs. I laiks Ply. Six lengthy seasons; and I am wondering if the lightning isn’t about to mouth-rocks, leghorns an’ brahmas,”* strike and set me free. Josern nowt cxnvseL. A WISE DOCTOR. Mrs, FitzceraLp—* How is Mr. Mooney this foine avenin’, Doctor Dumond?” Doctor Dumonp—" He's doing pretty well, but if he dies before morning I have no hope for him.” comicbooks.com