Judge — November 12, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

\ ‘ REAL AND UNREAL, SHE was a pretty Christian scientist, “There's nothing real,” said she, “Except the soul. My body is not real ""— “And that’s too bad,” thought he. Pain is not real—this hammock is not real Wherein you think I sit.” Lo, as she spoke the hammock’s fastening broke And threw her out of it. Full hard she bumped her immaterial form— Who could but sympathize? He begged that she would let a heretic Pretend to help her rise. Then ob, the scorn of her rejection was A something wholly real, And ob, the limp with which she walked away Proclaimed that she could feel. MNS. GRORGE ARCHIBALD, SINGULAR OCCURRENCE, Amy —"The most singular thing has happened !* Mabel. What is it?” Amy —"You know how utterly devoted Charlie Spatts and Blanche Fosdick were to A WEDDING PRESENT. each other all last summer at Saratoga.” . SILAS —"* Oh, ‘Mandy ! I've got a load o” hay out yere fer yer weddin’ present. Whar kin I put it?” Mabel —Yes. Do tell me what has happened.” THE WISDOM OF PREVENTION. Mr. Tricure (anxiously) —" My dear boy, what a dreadful cold you have!” Mr. Strongman—" Yes. 1 get a cold now and then. My only ailment.” Mr. Tricure—“ But that’s very wrong. 1 never get -cold, and you wouldn't either if you treated yourself as I do.” Mr. Strongman —* Wall, how, for instance?” Mr. Tricure—"\ take a Russian bath every week—it's excellent for my rheumatism, I find—and massage twice a week ; that’s for insomnia. I rarely sleep more than three hours any night. Then.a cold plunge first thing in the morning for my lungs, and a two-mile walk. I seldom take any breakfast; dyspepsia's too bad. I drink about three quarts of hot water during the day for my liver, and then I use a nerve-tonic at night. I tell you, my boy, if you'd follow my regimen “— Mr. Strongman— Oh, thanks—but—er—ah—I think I'd rather have a cold.” Ms 8 POOR BOY! $*D)O YOU study grammar?” asked a strange lady of a little boy she met on the train, “ No'm,” he replied ; ** she’s dead.” A FIASCO. The count has struck this swell attitude thinking he will knock Miss Voodles off her feet. He doesn’t know, however, that the lamp causes a heavy shadow which makes it appear as though he had two mustaches. Amy —"The most surprising thing in the world. They have got married.” ES FISHING AND RELIGION. Parson—“1 have heard, Mr. Pettijohn, that you would like to attend my church, but cannot afford to pay anything for a pew?" Pettijohn—"Nes, sit; my expenses are large and my income is small.” Parson —“ But your wife tells me that it costs you a dollar and a half to go fishing every Sunday.” Petlijohn Well, that’s all she knows about it. It costs me at least two dollars.” INSTRUCTION. s HENRIETTA.” he said somewhat sternly, your shoulder are from the head of a man. “True,” replied his fiancée, “but papa used to wear them. I stood near him this afternoon while mamma gave me a lesson in cutting hair. . “ Henrietta,” he returned, “such lessons are a waste of time. You Well, professor, I've got to hit somewhere.” may practice later on my digestion, but not my head.” “these hairs upon AT THE SPARRING-LESSON. * Say, professor, Jones isn't sparring fair. He's hitt STOUT STUDENT: low the waist Jones — comicbooks.com