Judge — April 2, 1892 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: IN THE BUGSBY APARTMENTS AT TWO A. M. Swires THE SNEAK (reading sign)—"* Take the elevator.” Bic Jimmy (the burglar) —" No, be jabers ! out axin’ their lave? So we'll lave whativer they ax us to take. SOME POSSIBLE TITLES OF FUTURE BOOKS. ‘+REVERIES of a Bachelor—Not Ik Marvel's,” by D. B. Hill. “ Bridge-jumping as a Nerve Tonic,” by Steve Brodie. Recollections of the Late Mr. Crowley,” by Miss Kitty Murphy. “Claws in Every Contract,” by R. Croker, keeper of the Tammany tiger. “Political Scales that Have Dropped from Mine Eyes,” by General E. F. Jones. “Provisions for Ven R. G. Ingersoll. “The Differences between Edwin Booth and Me,” by James Owen O'Connor. try-gedian “Solitude as a Panacea for Morbidity,” by Joaquin Miller, ex-literary lion of London and New York. “What I Know About School Reform and a Good Many Other Things.” by Colonel Abe Slupsky. ation in My Future Home,” by Colonel LEON MRAD. ay AR A CUP. f3 43: AT THE PURE-FOOD EXHIBIT, Tursty Curty—" Jus’ think, Hawkins! all dis good melted caramel jus’ for our opinion.” Hunary IAWwKins—"' Yes, it's a big snap, but T wish dey was a hot- sausage exhibit here too.” Didn't we take iverything we found with- 1 likes a square deal !" HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW? OUR-YEAR-OLD FRANCES and her mamma got into a heated controversy about wearing a certain garment which mamma wanted to put on the baby and which the latter objected to. Finally, after the affair had distressed the entire family and the garment was safely on, amid much g and scolding, mamma asked, Now, darling, would it not have been better for you to obey mamma in the first instance and so saved all this fuss and worry?” “ But, mamma,” came the plaintive reply, ““ how was I to de first place 00 was goin’ to make all dis fuss an’ WORSE THAN SHE THOUGHT. Woman — Was my husband in a state of semi-intoxica- tion when he was in here last night?” Saloon-keeper —* What do you mean by semi-intoxica- tion?” Woman —"Well, did he boast of having made fifty thousand dollars on a real-estate deal?” Saloon-kecper —' Yes, | believe he said something about that, only it was seventy-five thousand dollars he talked about.” Woman (sotto voce)—" Drunker than I suspected. Thank you, Good-morning.” USELESS DIPLOMACY. Her Lawyer —"t Now, madam, don’t you think that if we brought a little pressure to bear on him, we could render the divorce proceedings unnecessary?" Mrs, MULVANEY —"'Indade an’ we couldn't, judge. Oi had him under th’ kitchen shtove wid me settin’ an top av it fer foor hours yisterday, an’ divil th’ more dacinter he bekem.” CONSCIENTIOUS SCRUPLES. First burglar —"\ know a safe good for two thousand dollars. Let's crack it to-night.” Second burglar —*Sure an’ it’ thin’ of the koind until after Lent. not mesilf as will be afther doin’ any- We must denoy oursilves now, sure.” NOT A DAY OF REST. Strawher—" Did you know 1 was living out of town now and came into town every day?” Singerly —“Why, no. What do you do on Sun- days 2" Strawber— s “That's my bus- . ~ iest day. I memorize the changes in the time-tables.” comicbooks.com