Judge — 1891 — page 39: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S ANNUAL. A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY. (Patent applied for.) Bet on the progress of this period. An interesting story has been going the rounds of the press recently about the making of what is called a “ composite photo- graph "—a picture in which the combined beauties of a large number of pictures are seen to make an ideal face, shorn of individual imperfections. I was tearing my hair the other night in sheer despair at my endeavors to invent a new joke, when the idea struck me that some such “ composite” process might be safely applied toa bundle of stale jokes I had in a drawer, to bring about an ideal bit of humor, leaving out what was bad in each, and ending in an unparalleled piece of wit, that would put such writers as Dean Swift and Wil- liam M. Evarts in the shade. Joke number one, labeled July 1st, year 75, B.C. (new style) told of the bootjack that the third-floor lodger threw at the romantic feline on the back fence to stop his midnight serenading. Joke number two, marked year 100 before Adam (old style) told of the little fellow who sat on a bent pin and made Rome howl when the connection took place. E DIDN'T MIND THE SALT. Western MILKMAN (secing the Atlantic for the first time)—" Gurglin’ pumps! what ossi " ps TWO, AND YET ONE. A young married couple. “Why, Charles, if I didn’t actually sce you yawn just now.” “Weill, dearest, you know that we are now one, and I can never keep awake when I'm alone.” A LITTLE THING IN MILLINERY. “I don't see how Mrs. McGay can afford to wear so many tips on her hat. There is a row of them all the way round the brim.” “Afford it? I wonder that she hasn't the whole hat made of tips. Her husband is a hotel-waiter, you know.” De man w'at cotches de mos’ fish gin'ly eats de leas’ fish, ADDING INSULT TO INJURY. “Say, mister, don’t you know you can be arrested for swimmin’ in there?) . (There's an anachronism here somewhere, but I cannot exactly explain it. If the affair did not happen in Rome, then place it in Jerusalem.) Joke number three, set aside as belonging to the time of Noah—the exact date is of Noah-count—tells of the introspective poet who slipped gracefully earthward on a banana-peel, and saw an unwonted glory in the stars. Then there were the “billy-goat" joke, the “brass band” joke, the joke of the “kicking-mule,” the “colic” joke, and divers other jokes, puns, squibs, screeds, equi- voques, double-entendres, and paronomasiz of the pre- Adamite, pre-Raphaelite, eocene, miocene, pliocene, ichthyosaurus and plesiosaurus periods. So with one grand wind-up al any mental apparatus I proceeded to apply the “composite” process. The re- sult came out clear and strong, and I leave it to my read- ers as to how beautiful and ideal a result I here attained. Here's the “composite " in all its glory—“ Chestnut.” One can readily see to what manifold uses my inven- tion may be applied. To the editors of newspapers it should be an especial boon, and I hope some day to be regarded by them as a benefactor to the human race. NATHAN M, Levy, A NEIGHBORLY FEELING. Mrs. Brown—“I have just been calling on your new neighbor, Mrs. A BARE-FACED RECORD. Jones ; what splendid teeth she has.” Mrs, SkEBREE—‘* What are you so interested in?” Mrs. Jones—“If your attention was especially attracted by them, M&S. Houtex—"" An autograph album. she must have been wearing her Sunday set—the one Doctor Forceps ak SRyaREE—.. hey eamtully stupid usually | Don’t you think 907” has just made for her. ried on that yachting-trip to Bar Harbor.” comicbooks.com