Judge — 1891 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S UMBRELLAS AND HUMAN NATURE, He was a ruddy old man of much out-door experience. He remarked to the small boy who brought him an umbrella to mend, “I have my shop out-doors on ac- count of my lungs; likewise & I can move without notifying Sf the landlord. Umbrellas and human natur’ is very curi’s. They are the only thing in England that never goes out of fashion—they last through several ‘reigns.’ The small boy looked astonished, , and he went on. “They are like dis- couraged men; you SS can't keep ’em up after the snap is gone. They are like friends, forgotten in sunny weather and looked after in storms. When you look around on these fragments, you will see that a repaired umbrella is like a speculator—built up on the misfortunes of others; likewise suggestive of divorce bekase if anything happens, it is so easy to get another rib; and the reason umbrellas is so high in the fall of the year is bekase everybody puts ’em up in wet weather. This umbrella on which I have been laborin’ is now like William Waldorf Astor.” “ Why so?” asked the small boy. “Bekase it is pretty well fixed,” said he of the solder- ing-iron. “ Anything else ?” asked the small boy superciliously. ‘Yes; fifteen cents ; and if you have any cold chicken up at the house, I will wait for you to bring itdown. Don't wait to warm it, So long, sonny.” As Te WORDEN. A HEART BOWED DOWN. “'Tis my love's button,” she murmurs, as she picks up a pearl shirt-button from the square of oil-cloth in the hall where she and Alpheus Alfiero had just been standing, bidding each other a don’t-you-let-go-first “ good-night.” She turns it over and over caressingly ; then her tender TM) ae | A SOCIETY PROBLEM. FIRST OLD SEA-CAPTAIN—"* That's the belle of the room. She outstrips all the rest.”” SECOND OLD SEA-CAPTAIN—"* Jove! you are right. And the others carry more canvas too,” ANNUAL. 1S Monday-bluing eyes fill with a divine seven-by-nine pity. “What a shame for such a dear good boy not to have any one to sew his buttons on properly! I wonder if I can’t tell him in some way that will be perfectly maidenly and sweetly bashful that I sew papa’s on every week, and that I shall be so happy when the dear but seemingly so distant time comes for me to sew on all of his?” The sweet girl gurgles and blushes next evening as they sit in one crowded corner of the roomy old know-all-about-it-been- there-before sofa. Finally she draws forth her dainty, shining treasure; then, with dimples and frowns alternating on her lovely Rozonnii complexion, she pushes it into her pocket again as if afraid that its three good eyes and one laundry-battered one might stare her out of countenance. “T's got sumfin o’ yours.” ASSERTING HIS RIGHTS. Get out of th’ way, there !"" pins (of Three mile River)—* Not much I won't! I wanter go up t' Cintral ¢ elephants ; an’ my money's as good's ennybody's on a Broadway stage.” “Yes; I know you has, pettie, for I lost it a long time ago.” “Oh, no; you lost it just last “night,” in a voice of triumph; and now boldness conquers, and she holds it out on her little pink palm, fragrant with costly manicure pow- der. “I—I likes to keep it, ’cause it's yours, you know, and when—I mean—if we—that is—I'll sew this on the very first one I ever do for you, if it hasn't got but three good eyes.” And he—cruel, heartless slave to facts!—instead of answering tenderly, “Yes, dearie, how nice that will be," laughs long and loud, as he says, with the brutal frankness that some realistic idiot calls “sin- cerity of soul,” I saw that as I came in night before last ; [haven't worn a shirt-button in nine years, and there isn't thread enough on earth to make me.” = ARISTINE. ANDERSON: NO DOUBT OF IT. “You would never believe it, my dear Mr. Simpkins,” remarked a homely old flirt, “ but when I was young, I was really positively ugly.” “My dear madam,” replied Simpkins, with the air of a man paying a compliment, “I can the more readily credit your statement since you have so admirably pre- served all your youthful attrac- tions.”” comicbooks.com