Judge — 1891 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOUND ADVICE. “I'm terribly embarrassed ; my eldest son is just nineteen and I haven't the slightest idea what I shall make of him. “Doesn't he show an inclination for any particular vocation?" “Well, he seems fond of traveling—going about, you know.” “I've got it; make him a—a "— “A what?” “ Why, a bank cashier.” ACCORDING TO GUNTER, A traveler is about leaving a hotel. “Well, landlord, here’s a pretty how-d'ye- do; you go and charge me two dollars and a half for a bed, when you know very well that the house was so full I had to sleep on the billiard table.” “Well, sir; please look at our rules osted up on the wall there—‘Use of billiard-table twenty-five cents an hour.’” JUDGE'S ANNUAL. * We are follows A FRAGMENT. ” timidly whispered Angelina. ** Do not fear,” said Antony Cicero ; “nothing but death shall part us.” DETECTED IN CRIME. HE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS. Irate wire—“ John Hawkins, you were brought home on a shutter again last night. I want you to understand that this is to be the last time.” Joun Hawxins—“ Yes, Matilda.” The next evening he made the boys pro- mise to take him home in a wheelbarrow, as his wife objected to shutters. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE. “Great heavens, William!" cried Mrs. Joolbocks, rushing into her husband's libra- ry with uplifted hands, “ robbers have been in the house and carried off all my diamonds, silverware, gold watches, and—and " “Did they take the hundred pounds of ice I had sent home last night?” “No; but they "— “Then, thank heaven, they have left us our most valuable possession! I have enough money in bank to buy more dia- monds, silver-plate, and gold watches.” Jo, WLLTAgts, Livres FAUNTLEROY BILLINas (as papa comer in)—* Why didn't you leave it, xo we could see how it looks 2” His sister—"' Leave what, Faunty ? Littte Fauntieroy—"* Why, Mr. Luken’s mustache. * DISINHERITED. Lawyer— You are one of the heirs contesting this will?” Witness—‘“ I am.” Lawver—* One of the provisions of the will says that any heir who contests it shall receive nothing.” Witness—“ Yes; but we have one gate left open by which to enter into the property.” Lawver—" Humph! You are joking. What gate is that?” Witness—“ The surrogate.” Lawyer— The witness is disin- herited.” A broiled quail on toast is worth a dozen in the bush, HIS FIRST PANTS. I peeped in through the curtain, an’ saw him tryin’ it on yer.” AN OVERWORKED LECTURER. “Doctor,” said his patient, “I am suffering from nervous prostra- tion—feel as weak as a cat—and 1 wish you would give me something to brace me up, Ihave an engage- ment to lecture to-morrow night.” “Your system is badly run down, but I think I can fix you all right. By the way, what is the subject of your lecture?” “* How to get strong and to stay so. A DULL WIT. ‘Is Hawkins a bright student?” “Naw; he couldn’t pass an ex- amination in the college yell.” comicbooks.com