Judge — 1891 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AMERICAN NOBLES. “T think it's so strange that you don’t have titles in this country, doncher know,” said an English traveler to a native passenger with whom he had scraped acquaintance on the limited. “No titles?" exclaimed the American. “Why, we've got ’em.” “T mean dukes, baronets earls, lords and the like,” explained the man from the old country. “That's what I mean. We've got the whole outfit over here, ex- cept perhaps a king or two, for of course I don’t count iron kings, petroleum kings and the like. But we've the genuine nobility all the same.” “You surprise me! I had been led to suppose otherwise, that re- publican simplicity banished all titles of nobility.” “You've been imposed upon, my dear friend, by what you have read in the newspapers. Of course you know that the president's title is ‘his excellency.’” “Yes; I'd heard that.” “And that aldermen of the city of New York bear the title of grand autocrat, which is, I believe, a grade or two higher than anything you have in England.” “T hadn't heard of that.” “Then, sir, you have much to learn, Besides these exalted dig- nitaries, the lower orders of the nobility are too numerous to men- tion. I may add that I was talking to the duke of New Jersey only a JUDGE'S ANNUAL. Is 4 A BEREFT FAMILY. 13 wide, took out a memorandum- book and a pencil, and said : “T must put that down,” “Yes; his grace was talking to Lord Baltimore "—— “Well, now,” interrupted the Englishman, “that title has a familiar sound after all.” “Doubtless you remember hear- ing of the nobleman who settled Maryland and conferred his name upon the town which afterward became the chief city of the state?” “Ah, yes ; that was it.” “Well, the present Lord Balti- more is the sixth of the line.” “SARL “Why, Baron Leeflard of Chica- go ‘is on this very train. His eldest brother is Lord Milwaukee, and his lordship married the eldest daughter of the duke of Leadville.” The native paused while the visitor made a few entries in his note-book, and then he resumed. “But we needn't go so far for scions of the American nobility. Behold one in me!" “And what is your title?” asked the Englishman, moistening his pencil. “T am the grand duke of Sque- dunk.” And as the Englishman recorded this important announcement in his note-book, the grand duke of Squedunk went forward to smoke a “twofer.” wots, sivereR, HE MISUNDERSTOOD. Diner—“ Do you know, sir, that little while before I got on the Miss Grumper (in the windots)—" Just look at that horrid Mrs. this bird is out of season?” train.” Atchison, Louise. I always thought that ulster was trimmed with cat- Waiter—“ Well, fix it for your- The Englishman opened his eyes _ skin, and now I'm sure of it, self. There's the pepper and salt.” THE SHORT STORY OF AN UN-RESPONDED-TO REQUEST. Mrs. CALLAHAN —“ Phwhustle W th’ darg, Jerry!” He do be runnin’ over t’ shnake wan o” Deasey’s hins."" CALLAHAN —"' The lasht_ drop gone, an’ me dryer than a bone.” “* Phwhus !" —"' S-s-s-sle-ph !"—— comicbooks.com