Judge — 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

UNcLe HeNtey (who has been introduced to the duchess of Socmock, and is staggered for th’ d-d-drake ?” last year’s campaign uniform is not exactly the thing to wear. Be sure to ask after the Battenberg baby. licate allusions will please the queen. Do not offer to exchange photographs with the queen. You can buy her majes- ty's portrait at any store for a shilling. When asking the lord high chamberlain for an introduction, always accompany your request with a stamp for reply. If you have read any of the queen's books, never mention the fact to the family. They are rather sensitive on that point. Do not whisper to the Prince of Wales that you saw some lar- ger wales than he while on the ocean, Lastly—Be sure that you see all the American correspondents after you have been presented, and acquaint them with the fact. ELVIRA'S WEDDING PRESENT. |!) iN “I'm lookin’ for suthin’ nice in the way of weddin’ presents,” remarked Mrs. Timothy Seed to a gentlemanly clerk in an art store. “Yes, madam,” replied that functionary briskly; “tis there any particular line of goods you would like to see?” “T think I'll look at some statutes. I read in the last humber of the Farmer's Friend that figures made fust-rate wed- din’ presents—no, now, mebbe it was the num- ber before the last. You saw it, didn’t you?” “No; I didn't see it. I do not read that paper,” the clerk replied rather curtly. “What! not read the Farmer's Friend? 1 don’t see how you can get along without it! We can't! Why, it was in the Farmer's Friend BONHOMIE. something to say) * Proud ter see yer. How ‘d yer leave his nibs, that I found that receipt for makin’ ginger-cakes that Timothy's so powerful fond of. my husband. Timothy, that’s We've be'n married seventeen year come Christmas—no, let me see, I act'ly b'leeve it’s only sixteen "— Mrs, Externou (as Enternou comes in carly, Christmas morning}—"*Well, William!” Wittiam (thickly)—"* No, madam; ill.” “Excuse my interruption, madam, but here’s a group of statuary suitable for a wedding present. “Wall, now, that 1s somethin’ pretty, isn’t it? You're sure there would be nothin’ out o’ place in them figgers?” “Certainly not, madam.” “T want to be sure, you know. It’s my second-cousin Alviry as is goin’ to be mar- ried, an’ her beau is Professor Ammi- down, what teaches school in Bean- ville. He knows what’s what an’ so does Alviry, an’ I wouldn't for the world give ‘em anythin’ that isn’t stylish an’ fashionable an’ jes’ so. You know what I mean?” Theclerk knew,and he staked his professional reputation that the group before them could not be criticized by the most fastidious critic or stickler for the forms and usages of fash- ionable life. “What's the figgers?” asked Seed. “That is fifteen dollars, dam, and cheap at the price. “Oh. dear! as much as that? Why, statutes come high, don’t they?” “That is not dear, madam, for so fine a work of art.” “Oh, here's a statute that’s cheaper, I reckon; " and Mrs. Timothy Seed pointed’ to a Venus of Milo. ‘‘Is’pose, now, you'd make a big reduction on that on account of having her arm broke off, and then she hasn't got any clothes on either. Clothes is so awful dear! rice of them rs. Timothy comicbooks.com