Judge — 1891 — page 53: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS FROM EASILY SATISFIED. Lapy (engaging new lady's maid)—"" Yes, V'll engage you, but remember! Tallow no followers.” ArpLicant—" Oh, that's all right, madam ! I can put up with the master's friends.” A VEGETARIAN, “Please, sir, I haven't had anything to eat to-day, and I cant get any work, and please, will you give me ten cents to geta plate of beans?’ The ordinary passer-by would have replied : “O, get out, you vagabond !" and passed cheerfully on; but not I, I couldn't: for this was the fourth time within one week that this same sad, watery-eyed individual had at different times and places addressed the identical appeal to me. The first time I had paid no attention to it; the second time I had given him a pewter dime with a hole in the middle; the third time I had hurried by, fast as I could, saying to myself: “This is very singular, very singular ;” but on this fourth time I tottered up to a lamp-post, and exclaimed : “ By the beard of George Wash- ington, man, don’t you know that you're killing yourself, com- mitting suicide and working your own death—eating beans at this rate? Great Confucius, man, you can’t live on beans alone; you must have bread, and potatoes, and beer; a man of your delicate complexion must have beer. Beans, beans, nothing but beans. Why, you'll get to be such a pod here in course of a week, that you'll be taken for an alderman. Have you any children?” “Six children, sir, and all poor orphans ; and I can’t get any SUBTERFUGE AT T! | ¢ MASTER OF CEREMONIES—"' Hit gibs meh gre't pleasuah fer ter ‘ward der cake ' Miss Chessy Lakah. She jes’ glides ‘long laik a swarn !" JUDGE. 51 NEW KODAKS. | “You press the button, we do the rest.” SEVEN NEW STYLES AND SIZES, ALL LOADED WITH TRANSPARENT FILMS. For Sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. THE EASTMAN COMPANY, Send for Catalogue. ROCHESTER, N. Y. work, and if you'd please give me just ten cents to get a plate of——” “Six children, and you persisting in this present course, The saints forbid. Don’t you know that tastes are hereditary? Don’t you know that this mad appetite of yours will be visited upon your innocent children? You, you, sir, who should be their stay and protector, are dragging them down to dishonored graves, all for the gratification of this unnatural passion.” Here words failed me. He took notice of the silence, and began in a soft, melodious monotone: “ Please, sir, I hadn't a drop of anything to eat to-day. Please, sir, if you can let me have the ten cents to get a plate of be- ” “Great Scott, man,” I exclaimed, excitedly, “don’t you suppose there is anybody else in the world that wants any beans besides yourself? How are these others to be provided for? Haven't you any sense of justice, any feeling of decency, any emotion of shame? any—any——" He perceived the pause, and began again in his sweet, gently- flowing tones, “I cannot get any work, and I have had noth- ing— Te was no use; he was a size too large for me. I drew ina long breath and started. Just as I was rounding the corner there came softly wafted on the breeze, “a plate of beans.” There is an old record in a South Carolina Baptist Church, which contains a note of the expulsion of a woman for “doing too much talking in the neighborhood.” They evidently did not have any sewing societies in those days, or the church would have had no members. The toilet tables of ladies, ten years ago, were distinguished by a band of fat bottles. Now they generally display bandoline. HE CAKE-WALK. Miss LAKAH (in the dresting-room after the walk)—"'My gran'pop wuz a body-sarbent ob Bendic’ Arnol’! Da’s who my gran'pop wuz.” comicbooks.com