Judge, 1891 · page 40 of 69
Judge — 1891 — page 40: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous sketches satirizing everyday life and social pretension in late-19th-century America. **"Made to Sell"** opens with a poem mocking cheap, fraudulent goods—worthless products deliberately manufactured to deceive consumers. The list includes defective hats, watches, and silverware, reflecting anxieties about industrial-era consumer fraud. **"At the Masquerade"** satirizes pretentious society types who fail at disguise. A man's habit of mixing gin with sherry and bitters is so distinctive that his wife recognizes him despite his costume—mocking his peculiar drinking habits as a giveaway. **"Misconstrued"** plays on a country visitor's misunderstanding: he mistakes a decorative pheasant on the dinner table for actual food, asking to eat "the tail fust." **"Pulling Through"** satirizes an incompetent shopkeeper who perpetually blames external circumstances (weather, seasons) for his business failures, never accepting personal responsibility. His predictable excuses repeat yearly for seven years. **"An Afternoon Lunch"** depicts children observing ice cream distribution and a waiter's sardonic comeback to a fastidious diner complaining about "gamy" food—implying the problem is the customer's poor hygiene, not the game.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. yj UR, dollar blue suits, H Cheap brown paper boots, | The watch that the time will not tell, ) The pistol that busts,” Silver spoons that will rust, ‘They are all of them made to sell. “Chairs that fall in two, Straw hats sewed with glue, Cologne that has nary a smell, Umbrellas that melt, Dollar derbys of felt(?), ‘They are all of them made to sell. The fellow that hooks, The West Brighton crooks, AT THE MASQUERADE. Bunco sharps, whom we all know quite well ; Marovette (Mrs. Sicard)—"* I enjoyed the waltz exceedingly, Yom.” ate z Mepnistoretes (Afr. Sicard)—" How did you know me, Ethel? Isn't my Young Ives and his crew, ee y disguise good C Marcuertre—"' Excellent, Tom ; but you must remember that you are the They are all of them made to cell, only man in the world who mixes gin with his sherry and bitters.” ‘The police-clubber, too, MISCONSTRUED. “* Will you have some of the Taylor pudding, Cousin Pedley ?* IN PEDLey (who Aas been eying the pheasant table ornamentation all through the dinner)—"* | reckon I'll take a little o” the tail fust, and the pudd’n afterwards, Cousin Molly.” PULLING THROUGH. i | He did business in a small way in a western New York iH city. He rana store where he sold hats when any one by Amy accident got into the place, and he made fur garments during the very short season when such work is in demand. I met him in December, and asked him about business. “Poor, very poor,” he said. “There hasn't been any decent weather for furs. I haven't earned my salt all winter.” f “Perhaps business will improve,” I suggested, hope- ully. Well, if it doesn’t in the next three months I'm a goner,” he said. “In summer my business will be goo: I met him again in August. “Well,” I said, “I see you still keep in business.” “Yes,” he answered, with a downcast air, “but pros- pects are very poor, There hasn't been any decent weather for hats this summer. If I can only pull through three months longer, until the fur business begins, I'm all right.” Every December and every August for seven years I have gone through those same conversations with that S man, What intense satisfaction it would be to me to aS wake some morning and find that he had actually made - an assignment,no one can ever know. AN AFTERNOON LUNCH. Boy on stoor—'* Well, Jimmy, what d’ yer see now 7" “ ji ji itis qui Yourn at wixpow—"* “they. a'handin® round the ice-cream now, an’ it's made all Here, waiter, take, this game away-—it.is.quite,too:too of yaller an’ red !” much so. I beg your pardon, sir, but it ain’t this GENERAL CHORUS—"' 0-0-0-h-b-h !!" game as you smells, sir—it’s the other gentleman's fish.” comicbooks.com