Judge — 1891 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY HINGS’ FROM JUDGE. “Oh, that ‘ere’s all right. You jist get some benzine——" But Breakup didn’t wait to hear. He began to surmise there was something wrong, and he itted the car. He made diligent search, and finally struck the cheese in his pocket. He took it out. One good, square sniff was plenty. Out in the street went his Limburger cheese. At the supper-table Mrs. Breakup suddenly began snuffing and sniffing “Ventilation must be bad,” she said. Breakup said nothing, but groaned inwardly when he thought that the perfume still lingered around his clothing. When he returned home next day he noticed a new folding-chair in the dining-room, and asked where it came from. “Oh,” said Mrs. Breakup, “I exchanged it for yourcoat. By the bye, Breakup, have you been in the country lately ?” “No! snapped Breakup. “Why?” “ Well, you must have been round where there was a skunk, for that coat—paugh !” he was a sweet and mellow, free-and-easy sort of fellow ; Though you'd tease him and displease him, that you could not help but seeing, And his evry whim and passion were cut after such a fashion, He'd ne'r harm a guileless farmer, or the most angelic being. He was such a tender mortal that I'm sure the golden portal To eternal joy supernal would stand open at his winking ; For his eyes shed pails of water at a mere mosquito slaughter, ‘And he'd cry as if he'd die as he would watch a fly a-sinking. So he went out—sad the story—in a blaze of dazzling glory, | Leaving marks and radiant sparks, and phosphorescent trails behind him, And where angels, sweet and tender, in a pale and pink-like splendor, Gay cavorting and disporting, rule, I am sure that you will find him. And the doctors all-discerning, with display of deepest learning, Neither keeping, no. nor steeping such a perfect form in clover, Hacked it daintily and clearly, in a hundred pieces nearly, ‘And then said that he was dead because his softness spread all over. BREAKUP'S EXPERIENCE WITH CHEESE. If there is anything edible that Mrs. Break- up was fond of, it was cheese; and this came vividly to Mr. Breakup's mind last week as he saw a sign, ‘Cheese of all kinds,” in a store on the Bowery, on his way home. He entered and asked the rubicund-vis- aged German behind the counter, what kind of cheese he had on hand. “Skeeses,” exclaimed the storekeeper, “so help me Moses, efery kind dot you don't dink of yet.” So after a while Mr. Breakup purchased a small piece of Limburg- er, Notthat he intended to make Mrs. Breakup think he was bringing home a bottle of Jockey Club, for he was not aware of the rich aroma of Limburger. He was attracted solely by the name. So after he had purchased the cheese, he placed it in his coat-tail pocket, and started for home. As he passed through the horse-car, in order to get a seat up front, he noticed a general uplifting of noses, but he thought nothing of it. By and by his olfactories were offended by a tremendous disagreeable odor, and he called to the conductor, “Open the window,” he said. The conductor looked sharply at Mr. Breakup, and muttered something to himself, at the same time giving his nose a vigorous blowing. Pres- ently a countryman and his wife got into the car, and sat opposite Mr. Breakup. They hadn't been in the car three minutes before the old lady whispered, loud enough for all to hear: “T say, Josh, there’s rotten eggs in this ‘ere kear.” Then she looked at Mr. Breakup. So did all the other passengers, and Breakup began to feel uncomfortable. “No, it 'tain’t,” responded Josh, confidentially; “it's a skunk. Have 'em in the city?” said he, winking knowingly at Breakup. “Last fall I kicked one, an’ I had to bury my clothes. I'll tell you what'll take it away.” “Take what away?” Breakup. “Why, you know what I mean—skunk! Ha! Mrs. Rocuerre: inquired the amazed OVERHEARD AT TUXEDO. “* What is that peculiar noise 2” Miss DrissLer—"' It must be that Mr. Auchmunter of Philadelphia playing tennis always yells in that way when he gets excited.” Mr. Breakup looked at the chair savagely. It was worth about $1; his coat cost $25; and he in- wardly cast anathemas against cheese of all kinds. He lets his wife buy cheese now. THE BUSY BOY. How doth the little busy boy Improve each shining hour, Ly turning out the pepper-box, ‘Then filling it with flour, With cheerful haste he runs along, For school begins at nine: Then meets the boys behind the barn With rod and fishing-line. perseverance he excels, In mischief and in skill, With spectacles upon his nose He gives the cat a pill Oh, busy boy, thy faults we see, And yet we cannot blame ; For years agoour parent tho hit “That we were just the same. Table-sauce—a break- fast quarrel. A NEW DEPARTURE IN SOCIETY. is matter 2” Guest—'* Can't we compromise Host— What do you mean 7" Guest—" Why, this musical treat your daughter is going to give us. outside till the * Storm’ is over.” ha! ha!” “What do I know about skunks?” . exclaimed Wha You stay here, the indignant Mr, Breakup. y T will go comicbooks.com