Judge, 1891-11-14 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 14, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated short humor pieces typical of Judge magazine's format: **"Those Rapid-Transit Elevators"** mocks a building explosion in an elevator, with Aunty Hittots reporting the disaster to a janitor—satirizing the danger of early rapid-transit systems. **"An Eye to Business"** jokes about a lawyer's impertinence: when invited to a party, he demands a "retainer" (legal fee), treating social invitations as business opportunities. **"An Easy Job"** satirizes lawyers' fee-cutting: a lawyer reduces his usual twenty percent to fifteen percent when learning a will was drafted by ten competing attorneys—implying the document is so poorly constructed it's easy to break. Other sketches include building-fire mishaps, voice criticism, and a dog-attack joke. The page also features sentimental poetry about remembering an elderly woman. These pieces reflect late-19th/early-20th-century concerns: urban infrastructure dangers, lawyer greed and opportunism, and general social absurdities. No specific political figures appear identifiable.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HOLD before me, in weak, trembling hands, The fading portrait of a woman's face ; A picture not of young and girlish grace, But one upon whose sacred head the sands Ot time had dripped until the gleaming strands Shone wan with drifted white. A band of lace Circles the wrinkled throat in fond embrace, E’en as these boyish arms, years gone, their bands Of love clasped round the then fair neck of her, As softly rained her lullaby upon The drowsy car in dreamland’s tinkling drips; And as I scan that face now, thro’ the blur THOSE RAPID-TRANSIT ELEVATORS. Of manhood’s tears, I hear a voice, : ; A : bas pone OL AuNTY Hittots (in the Grimes building) —" Fi-tirere! ig gone, Police!" Soft crooning thro’ the portals of lost JANITOR —"' Stop that screeching. What's the trouble 7” lips! ‘Aunty Hittots—"* ‘Xplosion down cellar. More 'n ten men KIMBALL CHASE TArLEY, jest blowed up that chimbley ! I seen 'm go! Fir-re !" AN EYE TO BUSINESS. ‘¢THAT young lawyer Blackstone is a very impertinent fellow.” “What makes you think that?” “asked him to come over to our party next Tuesday evening and he wanted a retainer.”” AN EASY JOB. Client —" What will you charge me if you are successful in breaking the will ?” Lawyer —" My usual fee is twenty per cent.” Client —" But you must remember that the will was drawn up by ten of the best lawyers of the city.” Lazeyer — Oh, in that case my charge will be only fifteen per cent.” Patrick (building a fire in the runic armor) —"' Sorra th’ shtove Oi iver seen loike thot wan, Me eyes is blinded.” A FRANK OPINION. +6 A MY, what do you think of my A voice “Well, Sue, I think if you'd break it into proper lengths you would have quite a lot of merchant- able files to sell.” AN IDEA. Trotter —"\ think VIL turn heathen.” Barlow —" What foc?” 5 es Entp—"' Strange, is it not dear, that so many know Trotter —"So as to woate engegea? collection taken up for me.” Epwin—" Ves; even the leaves drop on us.” This isa dog. Has the poor dog the mumps? Oh, no; he has not the mumps. He only tackled a man with a wooden leg ; that's al comicbooks.com