Judge — September 12, 1891 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Make a gold shain py a dog's neck around und he growls yoost so pad as nefer vas. Oxcept beaudy dooks a shmall valk efery day out mit firtue she vos yoost like a rosebud mitout any shmell. Ofer your gal goes back of yon please dond mind dot, for dhere vas yoost so goot fish by der sea as dond got pulled out y Mrs, Wixstow's Sootitinc Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, 25 cents a bottle. MWatts—""1 don't approve of this idea of burying every eminent citizen with a brass band,” Potts—"" It would not be so bad, though, if they'd bury a brass band with every eminent citizen.” — Zndianapolis Jour- nal. When Baby was sick, wo gave ber Castoria, When sho was a Child, abe cried for Castoria. When she becamo Miss, sho clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria. She never went to an auction store, ‘This girl with the serious face, For she said that it always seemed to her A sort of for-bidding place. Buffalo Express. Sunburn, Ivy Poisoning, Bites and Stings, Prickly Heat, And Irritations of the Skin common in Summer are speedily relieved by Packer's Tar Soap. THE CELEBRATED ‘ PLANOS Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., W. ¥. -SOHMER & CO, Cnicaco, Tut. 236 State Street ; Sam Francisco, Cat., Union Club Building; St. Lours, Mo., 1522 Olive Street ; Kansas Cry, Mo., 1123 Main Street ALL-TOBACCO CIGARETTES, CONSOIS = ‘Manufactured by the CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE CO., rey! 1D and 10th St, Now York. Beware of imitations, NOTICE AUTOGRAPH OF - THE BARKER hie c * LINEN COLLA WILLIAM BARKER, WER, TROY, N.Y. Evidently Mr. Jeremiah Simpson has no intention of being confounded by his crass ignorance. While di livering one of his unique speeches the other day at S Joseph he took occasion to eulogize Daniel Webster and teferred in complimentary terms to his dictionary. A friend on the stage gently tugged at the orator's coat- tails and whispered, ‘* Noah was the man who made the dictionary.” Simpson could scarcely conceal his dis- gust, and frowning upon the man he whispered back, “Noah built the ark,” and calmly proceeded with his oration. —New York Commercial Advertiser. Caller at Bar Harbor —"* Mr. Blaine, how do you feel to-day?” Mr. Blaine (to servant)—"* John, bring in the New Yétk papers of this morning and find out for the gentleman how I feel. Louis Globe- Democrat. “don't see why you men should prefer one news- Paper to another merely on account of its politics,” said Mrs. Wickwire. ‘The news in each one is pretty much the same, And the bargain advertisements are exactly the same."—/ndianapolis Journal. The little king of Spain is so frail mentally and physically that he cannot be taught anything. His brain is too weak for him to learn even the alphabet, No one will think of implying, however, that any of the qualifications of kingship’ are lacking.—Chicago News, F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio, proprietors of Hall’s Catarrh Cure, offer one hundred dollars reward for any case of catarrh that cannot be cured by taking Hall's Catarrh Cure. Send for testimonials, free. Sold by druggists, 75 cents. Well, Mr, Wabash, what do you think of the At lantic ocean?" asked Gotham. ‘It's putty fine, si returned the Chicagoan, “but it ain't Lake Michigan.” Epoch. Lives of rich men oft remind us We can make our lives like theirs, And departing leave behind us Lawsuits to engage our heirs. —Chicago Times, . ‘The salvation army cycling corps intend either to break the devil on the wheel or tire him out.—Bing- hamton Republican, ‘PILLSBURY’S BEST”) FLOUR. Than any other Flour Manufactured. FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST-CLASS GROCERS, Swayback—* Hello, Jaysmith | What did that straw hat cost you?’ Jaysmith—"'I gave the clerk a five- dollar note for that hat.” Stoayback (incredulous) — “What?” Jaysmith—“And he gave me back four dollars in change." —Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. Brown—"And so Susan is to marry young Tenuous? Does he inherit anything?” Black —"* Nothing, I be- lieve, beyond a squint from his mother and a slight suggestion of the gout from his father." —Boston Tran- script. BROKER'S BITTERS since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Bitters made, wheth- er taken pure or with wines or liquors or other cordials. She—"1 suppose in Bohemia every one is Tom, Dick and. Harry?" /e—'' Well, yes; but Bills are rather more numerous."—Brooklyn Life. An eastern spiritualistic exchange asks, ‘* Have lob- sters spirits?” Well, we must admit that we have felt their presence after death.— Yonkers Statesman. Extract of BEEF. ALL cot CGOOD COOKS THE YRAR ROUND. serene rae Seamer cen tireentc ose ED PINAUD'S FAMOUS QUININE HAIR TONIC. R. H. MACY & CO., 6TH AVE., 13TH TO 16TH ST. Established in 1858. “WE SUPPLY EVERY REQUIREMENT.” Our Fall Catalogue containing 308 pages and handsomely illustrated will be mailed free to any address outside the city. R & MACY & CO. ne GREATEST IRVERTION EVERY THE AGE.-> sa FAMILY spout STEPHEN F. WHITMAN &' SON, 1 put uP ONE! <t-luventors ano SoLe Mawrs, ~- PHILADELPHIA. ft “IMPROVEMENT THE ORDER OF THE AGE. THE TE SMT PREMIER TYPEWRITER, (UE SMITH PREMIER TYPEWRITER bas been adopted to.the exclusion of all other writin be used in their tel ‘THE SMITH without soiling PERMA\ machines by the ASSOCIATED PRESS of the hie service to take di rite eatin ZY PEWiE® not found upon any other writing machine. the hands The use of a “TOOTH BRUSH™ not req ENT ALIGNMENT. MORE DURABLE than oa THE SHIFT KEY SYSTEM RELEGATED toa PAST AGE. TATE OF NEW YORK to patches direct from the wire, EE bas many IMPROVEMENTS. t ALL TYPE LEANED in TEN SBCONDS Coates R FIFTEEN YEARS type-writer users have been waiting for IMPROVEMENTS. gTHE SMITH PREMIER TYPEWRITER Seth Send for Illustrated Catalogue. BRANCH OFFICES :— ao: Broadway, New York : 334 Chestnut st, Philad 4 Farnam Oaabe, Neb: 214 Wood Lao fincas ats ullalor Nc ¥.i wey Powers 407 Powers’ block, Syracuse, U.S.A. Pay ols ir Bie latinos argh, Pas soe, Champa AN foodward aves Detroit, Write Lewis G. Tewksbury, Banker and Broker, 50 Broadway, N. Y., to send his circular, comicbooks.com