Judge, 1891-09-12 · page 10 of 16
Judge — September 12, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of late-19th-century American satirical magazines. The dominant feature is "He Expected It!"—a narrative poem about an irritatingly smug man who claims to have foreseen every event in his life, from his wife's death to lottery winnings. The satire mocks fatalistic pessimism and self-satisfied pretension; the joke culminates when even his deathbed vision confirms his unbearable predictability. Surrounding this are brief comic sketches with social commentary: "Sizing Up His Freight" depicts working-class dialect humor about a porter's observations; "A Philosophic Maid" jokes about choosing an extravagant suitor over a miserly one; "The Church Organist" makes dark humor from an organist's accidental death; "A Hard Fate" presents romantic entanglement as masculine doom. The remaining items are one-liners exploiting ethnic dialects ("Crickerton" affecting an affected accent) and period humor about banking, railroads, and courtship. The illustrations—wood engravings—accompany these pieces with Victorian-era character depictions. Overall, the page reflects Judge's formula: mixing literary satire with working-class caricature and social observation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE EXPECTED IT. Obed said I. “AS near as expecte with a sigh: “But about her right lung T have still gravest fears. T've expected consumption for full twenty years.” She lived ten years more and then died in a fit. And Obed said sadly, “T expected it!” he said An earthquake in Chili killed people by dozen: A steamboat blew up and maimed one of his cousins ; A flood struck Towa and washed out a town; The church ‘round the corner was wholly burned down; His grandfather fell from a ladder and died ; He asked a large loan and he was not denie: He won in a lottery larger than any ; He went on the wharf and he picked up a Penny; And these and ten thousand odd happenings to him, ‘That came up by chance or by nature or whim, Were nothing but things he could well have foretold, For he knew them beforehand and could not be SIZING Putwsta: ! trip fer yo"? Seconp ¢ AN AGGRAVA’ Loxe Buu. (from Lost Basin, as an overland bicyclist comes up) con the r ever see. so tae \[ercaRs. UP HIS FREIGHT. porreR —"* Whuffer yo" wants me ter run dis roRTER—" Look ‘er dat crowd a-gittin’ in. entlemen, I've seen some thin horses rode but churn me if that ain't the worst case I at's wicked !" } b wants ter go en wash cars 'r somet'n, $0’s ter git some boodle fer my pore sick fambl A PHILOSOPHIC MAID. +* BUT, Marie, my dear,” said her mother. Harlow is extravagant.” “Better that than . mother. Extravagance may be curbed, but meanness is indestructible. meanne: THE CHURCH ORGANIST. GIES gone, and though her loss we feel We sing and do not grumble. She slipped upon an organ peal And straightway took a tumble. A GAME Wife the ‘limited "? Husband —" Vs only game that the passengers play, WITH A LIMIT. arley, why is that train called ause poke BY PROXY. UP THE FORM MAKING Surprise him you could not, for anything new, No matter how strange or uncommon to view, How far unexpected, unusual or queer, He was ready, before it could all reach his ear, To say with his usual assumption of wit, * Texpected it!" At last he was dying. A neighbor came in Who prayed for repentance and pardon for sin. “* For, Lord, if he does not repent he will go To the kingdom of Satan and regions below.” Igut he, with a smile of divinest surprise, Meantime, as if glory were filling his eyes, Half leaned to the suppliant, half looked into heaven, Half heard the sweet words, “*All forgiven, sins forgiven,” And breathed, as his spirit ‘gan upward to flit, *Texpected it!" CORA LINN DANIELS, A HARD FATE. HE was the last man that stayed At the beach where the wild waves tossed, And, caught in the net of the summer maid, The last man was wholly lost. Curckertox—" Your fwiend Dudely seems to be an uncommonly clevaw fellaw. What is his business?” STRires—" Depending on his father.” DESERVED THE PLACE. 6] HAVE done innumerable favors to members of the banking profes- Jas he placed his hat and comfortably on the president's table, “and now I want you, in my ex- tremity, to give me a position as cashier or telle! “What is your present business?” was the question. “Nothing just now. I recently failed in the Montreal hotel line.” A POPULAR FELLOW. soya “His wife.” y's chief charm?" A NEW EXPLANATION. Johnny Crmso—" Who is meant by [ HELD heer hand—oh, bright my lot! “the father of waters"? Theld her hand and won the pot. Ciomsa —" Jupiter Pluvius, Johnny.” Miss Boje —** Dat Lize Berry ain't g 1" ter get ahead ob me on shape—not if dese strings hol’ out." comicbooks.com