Judge — May 23, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. HEN love becomes a critic infants will-be born bald and armed | with spectacles. Truth is an abstraction— an’ infinity,and: we delve at it with picks and spades. Time is a pilot who leads. timid: followers’ blindfolded through the mazes of eternity. Repentance is absolute only when it is so thorough as to insure no repetition of the offense. ; Truth is a white light, and finite objects are illumined by it only as its rays fall broken and colored through the mental prism. ‘The year is a rosary, three hundred and sixty-five beads on the string, and for every bead a corresponding prayer put forth into infinity. RATHHINE GROSJRAN, SOUND ADVICE. Flossie —"V've engaged a dressmaker, mamma, to, work at the house, and I'm going to assist her.” Mamma —"1 would advise you to get two. out what you do.” You will need one; you know, to rip REALISM ON THE STAGE. Stage-manager —“Gixe me an ounce of strychnine. rgist —"But—it’s deadly poison, Have you a prescription?” Stage-manager (easily) —" No; but that’s all right. Our new star insists upon realism on the stage in the matter of eating, drinking, and so forth, and we are trying to ac- commodate our- selves to her lit- -tle idiosynera- i She has to ‘TWAS EVER THUS! This, dear reader, is a picture of humanity you are no doubt familiar with. ‘It represents a man, his wife and her dear, sweet lady friend, You will probably have little trouble in telling which is the wife and which the dear, sweet lady friend, die in the third act from strychnine poisoning, but if you can’t give me strych- nine let it be arsenic. I don’t believe the audience would. know the difference.” AN INQUIRING TURN OF MIND, Primus—"1 won't let that boy of mine go to Sunday -school.” Secundus —" Why?” Primus—*1 know if he heard there was a hell he'd want to go there out of curiosity.” THE BOY AND THE PREACHER. Bobby —" Are you the man who preached this morning?” Minister Bobby — guess every body didn’t just like your ser- mon, did they?” Minister — “1 don't know. 1 preached as well as I could.” Bobby — “Yes; pa said you tried to do your darnde Son —"" Father, what does a poli the hands of his friends?” Fariter —"'It means that he is putting his money there.” cian mean when he says he is in COULDN’T WAIT. +4 ][R- SHARPSET,” inquired an attentive hostess, “ how in the world do you man- age to eat that hot soup without burning yourself?” “ Madam,” was the pathetic reply, “I am burning myself.” BEFORE THE DAYS OF PHYSICAL CULTURE FOR WOMEN. He— Forgive me, dearest. I did not think. Forgive me?” ‘She (gently reproachful) —* Certainly, dearest; but men never—seem to—to real- ize that women have—not—the strength—Oh, I am out of breath, dear!” Tam making you walk too fast. IN THE PRESENT CRAZE. He—* Good gracious, Angela! you are walking me off my fect.” She (briskly and firmly) —* That's just what I intend to do. It’s only five miles further. Brace up and step out.” THE REQUISITE. A BAD BREAK: Aspirant —*What is the chief requisite for a young lady entering the literary field Editor —* Postage- stamps.” Races (to fellow-tramp)—"' Gosh ! dog on ye ‘TAGGs—"'I axed that woman up there if she couldn't fix me out wid some cast-off clothes, an’, by thunder, she’s an old maid !” Why did: they set the comicbooks Gas