Judge — May 23, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

102 HUM OF THE COURT. WE LOOK upon Bismarck as the largest mugwump. EW VERSION—Heaven helps those who have already succeeded in help- ing themselves. UCCESSFUL ACTOR to dramatic author —"If it's a failure you take the curses. If it’s a success I take the money.” UCH TALK as to why Jews become capitalists is a waste of time. They become capitalists because they have the requisite funds. CCEIMB YOUR high horse with the help of a ladder firmly bound to the sad- dle, because then you will know how to climb down.—Rudini. HEART of John C. Calhoun s living at the age of eighty-one. It will be observed that John was a seces- sionist as well as a nullifi SS ANTHONY advises women to study law so as to attend to their own suits for divorce. We think we know now why the good lady never studied Jaw. 66] AM WILLING,” says Mr. Ingalls to trust to time for my vindica- That shows the philosophical mind; but hadn't the gentleman better plead for a slice of eternity too? THE OHIO JUDGE who decides that a husband is not entitled to a divorce because his wife smokes cigars has done a bad thing, because no woman is a judge of tobacco. THE DOCTOR said to the man who had kidney trouble, stop the use of stimulants—you must remove the cause. exclaimed the man, “I prefer to remove the kidne; A MILLIONAIRE recently signed a check for charity amounting to five thousand dollars, and immediately died. There may be questions over there as to that man’s belief and creed, but we think not. Mus. PANCAKE FIND that a watch that chimes the hours is not good property. It misbehaves and rarely keeps good chime. Wilfrid Murray had such a watch, and see what a scrape it got him into— IV. H. Hurlbert. A FEW YEARS AGO Chili whipped Peru within an inch of her life, and to-day Chili ely more unfortunate than Peru was then. If all of us knew what a day would bring forth we should all of us regret the inform TERO, Sp: she ish dancer, took nine thousand dellars with her when and shed tears because she had to go, The tears were undoubtedly genuine. Few actors, even if they have intel- lectual legs, have the chance to accumulate so much grief as that. A SHORT AND SWEET CHAPTER. Messe the trembli R noy (reading) —" Red Cloud's hand was extended to grasp maiden. Just then a dull thud was heard" — ae A PUT TO THE BEST USE. Mr. Fussy (engaging board)—"'Ah! I see you have a piano, Do I have the use of that?” * Why, certainly.” Mr. Fussy —" Well, then, please let me have the key and I'll lock it up.” [7 IS ARGUED that to keep the world’s fair open on Sunday would lead to the opening of theatres, drinking-places and every other place of entertainment, besides inviting drunkenness and contagious diseases. Just so. You must not give a stranger a glass of water because that would lead to a cyclone and peradventure a deluge. OBSERVE that a distinguished advocate died the other day while making his own garden. Exercise is good, but it must not be too violent; and the hoe has killed more amateur farmers than fire and the sword. Take the hoe, but use it gently, Twirl it once, shoot it into the air, catch it as it comes down, and place it firmly in the hand of the hired man. MONUMENTS to heroes of science as well as to military heroes are advocated by the Philadelphia Jnguirer. Let us be fair. Let us have monuments to everybody. There is plenty of marble, and it can be had’ cheap on the syndicate principle. Thousands of men have an un- happy death because they can't have a monument to come back and look at during the various glimpses of the moon. For, after all, an expensive funeral is not all that a man wants wherewith to make the world remem- ber him, But at this juncture a sugar-slide from the second floor interrupted the chapter. comicbooks.com