Judge — May 2, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOW TO GET A CHEQUE CASHED. IRST get your cheque. Then, if you are so unfortunate as to find yourself in a place where you have not a bosom friend who is on equal and intimate terms with the bankers, Perform some startling deed to bring your name to public notice; Upon the strength of which secure an intro- duction to the teller or cashier; Through whom procure admission to the bank- cr's family, and if possible marry his daughter; And finally, bring letters of introduction and what available friends and relatives you may have to testify to your habits of honesty, industry and sobriety; and if your man is a good-natured fellow and happens to be in a happy mood he may give you your money—for a consideration. BREAKING IT GENTLY. Mr. Trotter (to himself) —" As 1 will be at the office until nine o'clock this evening I guess I'll send Alice a telegram explaining matters.” As he enters the house at ten o'clock of a month throws herself into his arms. Tom,” she weeps came this morning bad news! What in the world has delayed you so?” wile “Oh, holding out a yellow envelope AN OUTRAGE. BrFUDDLED GENTLEMAN —"' Ish downright oush- rage t' lock er (hic) ge'm'n up in sush 'r wet cell as thish. ‘il eshpose th’ whole thing in every newshpa- per in town termorrer mornin’.” PROBLEM IN OWNERSHIP. Boy country Pa—"Well, I should say not.” Boy —" Why don’t they?” Pa—*That’s what they're trying to Jind oui.” FOREWARNED. STWAS just before their wedding-day. ‘hey drove about the country lanes, And starting on the homeward way She held her hands out for the reins. “Say, pa, dd the Irish own this He gave them up without a word In answer to her whisper low, And wondered if he rightly heard, “this horrid tele; n and I've been afraid to open it lest it should contain 53 A DIFFERENT KIND, Se\WVHERE did you go to-day, Uncle Abner?” “From the battery to Harlem.” ” By easy stages, I suppose?” “No, b’gosh ! part of the way by them Fifth- avnoo stages.” THIRTY-SEVEN IF A DAY. Boston maiden —" My father gives me a dollar for every year I am old on my birthdays.” Friend — Isn't that nice? Boston maiden — Yes; but then one can’t do much with twenty dollars.” A PROPER REFERENCE. Mrs. Bloobunper — Sadie, | am surprised at you, using such an expression as * It beats thunder." Sadie—" But 1 was referring to the lightning rod, mamma.” THE PROPER THING. Mrs. Glanders—" My husband is suck- an orderly man." Ars. Gummey —" Is he?” Mrs, Glanders —" Yes; he's subject to epilepsy, you know. Well, he felt an attack coming on yesterday while on the street. and he walked right into his tailor's to have the fit.” ADMITTED TO THE BAR. FAR DIFFERENT. REVIVALIST in the course of an animated exhortation exclaimed, “Ab, but heaven is my home!” Just then a voice in the rear of the hall shouted, “I thought you lived in Chicago!" WHEN NOT TO ASK. YOU see a man take out his watch And look at it intently ; His-mind is centred on it from His manner, evidently. ‘Then is your chance to ask the time, You'd naturally suppose it ; You venture to inquire and find He seldom ever knows it A HAPPY IMPROMPTU. Club raconteur —" Here's an an- ecdote of Webster I submit.” Editor —" We don't wi Club raconteur —"Will you be pleased to state why Editor —" Weli— er — has it ever « been published Club raconteur —* Xo." Editor — Wal, you see, we don't handle rejected manuscript,” WOULD SUIT HIS PURPOSE. CHARITABLE PERSON (bestozing some clothing) —" Vm sorry that overcoat is too small for you, but”. BuMMy THE TRAMP (eager{y) —"" No matter, boss: it’s just as good to pawn!" wanted] ILE smallest women, howe'er meek, i Most hopefully do Hymen seek. WOMAN ARCHITECTS. ANP 0.2 woman took the prize For her design in architecture : A world’s-fair building will arise To do her honor, I conjecture. Thus women’s work puts on new features ; They always were designing creatures, PERHAPS HE WAS CROSS. Gazzam —* That man is not an Ital- ian, is he Maddox —" Xo; why do you ask?" Gaszam —""1 notice italics in his voice.” JUST SO. “It's time I learned to drive, you know.” WORDS TAKEN FROM A SIGN AT THE VILLAGE A HAND-ORGAN resembles a sunset FEED-MILL, Leeause the day goes with it, comicbooks.com