Judge — January 10, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

252 HE HAD A PREFERENCE. COHAVE you cigars?” he asked of the dealer. “Yes, sir. Any preference?” “Let me have a few post-prandial cigars. I understand Chauncey Depew smokes that brand.” THAT IS PROVERBIAL. Mrs. Fangle (reading a fashion’ article) — “The divided skirt is losing favor.” Mr. Fangle—" That proves the truth of the old proverb.” Mrs, Fangle—" What old proverb?” Mr. Fangle— United we stand; divided we fall.” CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE. | WONDER who's dead in the house o'er the way, I said as I stood at the window to-day. It can't be the boy for I saw him at play ; It must be old Mr. Odell. ** It is," answered Ned as the man, stepping back, Disclosed to our eyes two long streamers of black (Sad emblems of death and of mourning, alack !), “Cause they're hanging his pants on the bell.” JS MAPELSDEX, EITH THIS OR STARVATION. Mrs. Preptey—'* Why, Augustus! what in the world are you doing with the lemon-squeezer breakfast ? Mr. PeepLey—"'I'm softening some of these biscuits that your mother told you how to make.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. [NSINCERITY is a false armor. It may pafry the thrust of thy adversary, but will yield like wax to the point of thine own backward-turned weapon. The beautiful and the good of the idealist are all there—happily experience will never be able to teach him that they exist reflected from within his own soul. Let an idealist but be given the skeleton of the real, and he will pluck the very gar- ments from his own soul to clothe it in the perfection of majestic beauty. It is useless to exact a promise by force unless the pressure of compulsion is to be continued; in which case the promise is in reality a dead letter, and might as well not have been given. We expect sweetness of mothers and are not disappointed. They administer their draughts of honeyed water secure in the absolute certainty that the world will slip in soon enough with its cup of quas iearunine cnonyuan, HE SAID IT. Pat (to lady boarder) —" Faith, ye should hov been to moi widdin’, mum. Shure, it wor a thrue chrysanthem widdin’. Lady boarder —"¥xcuse me, Pat, for correcting you, but the word is chrysanthemum.” Pat (grinning broadly) —" Faith, Oi said chrysanthem, mum.” HE REMEMBERED IT. Sunday-school teacher (to scholars) — Now boys, the text for next Sunday is be not afraid.’ Each of you try to remember it.” Teacher (the next Sunday) — “Charlie, you may repeat the HOME ROULETTE. text for to-day Mrs. pe Rrarex—‘' Poor fellow! walking in his Charlie seep ee cahe raid his business cares are under- (slightly embar- Mr. pe Real (in quick sta Spi rassed) — “It’s again, Daley, an’ I'll put ‘seventy-five on the double jest me,don’t git ‘aught! skeered.’ BIBLICAL AUTHORITY FOR IT. S©YVHY do you call your boy Ephraim ? That isn’t his name, is it?” “No; I call him Ephraim because he is so lazy.” “1 don’t understand.” “Ephraim was joined to his idles, you know INDUCTIVE REASONING. Gibbs — Kickshaw is younger than his wife, isn’t he?” Dimmick—*Yes; but he doesn't like it known, How did you find it out?” Gibbs — From Kickshaw himself.” is Dimmick— Impossible !” AUNEW “EXPERIENCE: FOR: BIM: wbbs —" Yes: : : . encal Mrs. y What on airth makes yer walk so proud, Nathaniel?" Gibbs —* Yes; he told me that a man ought to marry a woman six , ty bouts Discked Gown ter York, ant eney Linder years his junior hurt'my eyes, mother. comicbooks.com