Judge — October 4, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DURING T Mrs. TAstRoM (hotly) —"' Don't you dictate to me, sir!" Mr. TANTROM (tho employs a C3" “Thank heaven! I don't have to.” STRAUSS GETS PATRIOTIC. GTRAUSS belongs to the Beethoven Mannerchor and he was practicing the bass in the chorus, “My heart is on the Rhine,” in such a way as to induce the belief that his heart was about two hundred feet under the Rhine. ‘To him was wafted a mor- bid youth with unhealthy-looking red hair and large, old-gold freckles. He wore an unutterably pended for a support on hi “Ab,” said hi tranken guten lager-bier. “ Yaea-a,” said Strauss in a suspicious tone. “The ancient Teutons, your ancestors, were the only men capable of staying the power of seven-hilled Rome, ‘The fair-haired Saxon gave them fits, you bet, to use a qualified expression from Carlyle. Set up a couple of cool ones for you and I," and the gay youth dropped a dime on the bar. “And so you are a German. Well, | swan! Say, if you only had a small piece of bologna. Ah, you have!" he said; and Strauss wiped off his chin and was mollitied. *T suppose sauer-kraut and liver-wurst run as freely in your veins as blue blood in a Virginian’s, or Puritan blood in a New Englander’s; and as to music, just you give a German a mouth-organ, two fect of gas-pipe, and a tin pan and he would organize a Wagner concert on a desert island. Have you a pretzel?” and he motioned for another glass of beer. *You spraken not mooch fon der pattle-field unt war, Yurmany vos der knocker-out fon way back on war," said Strauss proudly. “There you touch me. Strauss, have another glass with me. From Charlemagne to Moltke the long list of Fredericks and Wilhelms is a gleaming galaxy of glory. Forgive the alliteration; I am a poct naturally. ‘They rank with their own cheese and the greatest nations. Their capacity for glory and beer are equal, and their deeds shine like their own pretzels. Bismarck, the iron chancellor “Hurrah for Pismarck! dree tigers for der cast-iron duke !" cried the delighted German. “Ah! Excuse my emotion. springs,” said he of the freckles drew out a concealed “Here we have,” said he, “* The Life of Bismarck" in one large, hand- some volume, printed on heavy, calendered paper, five hundred and eighty Rages, with two hundred photogravure pictures in the highest style of art. We offer it, to subscribers only, in three styles: cloth, two dollars and a half; sheep, three dollars and a half; Turkey morocco, four dollars and a half, ‘This frontispiece represents Bismarck at Sedan mounted on his "— But Strauss had turned white and sunk down on an empty beer-keg. He wiped the cold sweat off his brow and said in a husky voice,“ Soldt py a pook-agent! Mine friendt, off you a gostly edition got mit gold sps unt colored bictures ten or swelluf dollars’ vort, put me down for ‘ge derby hat which, like a telephone-boy, de- you are a German! Und sie 1 used to lead the german at Richfield and he slid his hand inside his coat and dot, unt ven you pring dot pook you some healy boots vear und kick mine outsides all inwards. 1 ton’t know so mooch like I did ven I come in Castle garden ofer.” The youth in the derby hat wrote his name down, hand- ed him a card, and then winked and smiled until the old-gold freckles looked like the scales on an over-due sunfish, “Tra- la!" he said, and was wafted away. A. T. wore. ANOTHER COUNT NECESSARY. T THE census bureau. Superintendent Porter —"\ declare, if 1 haven't got to have another count of every city in the west Assistant —" What's the matter?” Superintendent Porter — Here's a letter from Tascott saying he has not been counted.” TOO BOLD. He (at the seashore) —"And when we meet in the city, darling, may I hope to renew my offers of marriage?” She—" What presumption! Sir, | am a summer-girl A SLIGHT MISTAKE. Hunker —" But where is the beach?” Dobbins —" Beach! What do you mean? picture of Venus you are looking at.” Hunker — Oh, that’s it, is it? I thought it was a sea- side belle in her bathing-sui That's a A MOTHER'S GRIEF. Ss YOU know, Fanny, I picked out old Squaretoes as a safe husband for my daughter and invited him to dinner almost daily-for a month, Knowing that he was something of a gourmand I engaged an expensive cook— a real cordon bleu—and at the end of the thirty days do you know what happened 2” he married the ‘THE LAST OF THE SEASON AT BAR HARBOR. Baccace-MasteR —"* Sorry, lady, but you'll have to pay excess baggage- rate on this valise. It's twenty pounds over-weight.” Miss CHasuertix —" How provoking! Mathilde, I thought T told you to distribute those engagement-rings among the trunks.” comicbooks.com