Judge — September 20, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CONTRADICTING HIMSELF, ooTH T fail," observed young Dolley. “Yes,” replied Miss Amy he is wrong by using it. THE WOMAN-BEATER. 6 THAT horrid man! he beats his wife!” “Good gracious ! is it true, dear?” “Why, yes; he told my Brother Jack— But never breathe how you hea poct says there's no such word as ‘and then shows “Oh, no; of course not—not a word ; But tell me all about it.” “Well, Tuesday night se beat his There is no chance to doubt it. “The brute! (Jack enters.) When Jack comes He'll tell us. I'm just dying To know about it. ‘Beat his wife ! A beast without half trying.” Jock —"* My sister, you are very wrong "— thus gently he rebuked her. arles did say that he beat his wife— At six straight games of euchre.” LANA Gitnnr FORD, STYLISH. S4]T IS very fashionable to carry on a con- versation over the telephone,” remarked Mrs. Gazlay. Why, I wonder ?” asked Mrs. Snooper. “Because it’s holler mode.” HIS QUESTION. (Wed visibly trembling—Nell cool and caim,) [ WANT to ask you a question, To do it I hardly dare ; You see Iam awfully anxious Or else T shouldn't care. Ah, now I see You laugh at me ! Bat if you knew—perhaps you do? I wish I could tell you my meaning, T don't seem to make it plain, So if you will only be patient T think Tl begin again, Don't tan away But list, I pray, Because, you know—I love you so! There, now I have said it, my darling ! hough not as I meant to one bit ; Rut if you will only believe it, How 1 told you don’t matter one whit. Just show me, dear, T need not fear To test my fate—am not too late ! Well, now ‘tis all settled, I'm happy. There's one thing you'd like to know? What's the question I tried to ask you So wildly a half-hour ago? Oh, naughty Nell ! You know full well What I would say—do name the day. IN 1991. Reporter (to ancient lady) you are more than one hundred years old, are you?" Ancient lady—" Oh, yes; 1 re- member events for ninety years past very well.” Reporter —" On what particular point does your memory rest ?” Ancient lady —"\ was never kissed by General Sherman.” THEY say doubt— How could he ever find it out? ‘om’s lost his mind; 1 EXACTLY AN EXPERT AT BILLIARDS, Tut—the champion of the three-ball game. WANTED TO SEE IT WORK. SOYVHAT'S that? “That's a kaleidoscope.” “Is it? When does it begin to collide?” A CONFIRMED CYNIC, —"It is odd that MeWatty is such a pessimi Larkin—*Yes; he's never happy unless he’s miserable.” A GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT. Mistress —" Miss Langworthy is a vege- tarian, Bridget. When you make pies again please make one for her with butter for the crust instead of lard.” (Two days later) - with a butter crust Bridget 2" Yes, mum.” “What kind df a pic is it?” “Mince, mum.” IF IT MIGHT TAKE, Dotkins —" What's the matter with Sister Nellie? She acts so queer?” Mamma (in a disgusted tone)—" Oh, she's in love again; this is the third time, and she's got it bad.” : Dotkins —* Why don't you have her vac- cinated so she can’t catch it?” “Did you make a pie for Miss Langworthy, comicbooks.com