Judge, 1890-09-13 · page 12 of 16
Judge — September 13, 1890 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising**, featuring patent medicines, theatrical listings, and commercial products typical of late 19th-century American magazines. The only satirical content is **"Carl Pretzel's Philosophy,"** a humor column written in exaggerated German-accented English. "Carl Pretzel" was a recurring Judge character—likely a German immigrant stereotype used for social commentary. His aphorisms mock various targets: self-righteous patriots with big bellies, lazy people, evolutionary theory ("Darwin's theory"), and drunkenness (the nose "concentration" joke). The humor relies on both the fractured dialect and cynical observations about human nature. The advertisements reveal period anxieties: baldness cures, facial blemish treatments, asthma remedies, and opium treatments. These reflect genuine medical concerns and the era's patent medicine industry, which often made dubious claims. The Pears' Soap advertisement humorously depicts people fighting over soap, treating it as desirable luxury goods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE DELICATE, DELIGHTFUL, LASTING AND ECONOMICAL. {Rs fragrance i that of ths opening buds of Spring. Once used ‘you will have no other. Gold Dverywhere. Try Iu JAS. S. KIRK & CO., Chicago. FACIAL BLEMISHES, ‘Teo largest eatablisbenent 1 the World for the treatment of Hate and Nealp, Hevetoa, Moles, Warts, ‘Sapertivows Hair, Dirthmarka, Moth, Preckica, free ak eff or by letter TON page book on all im and scalp adections 1d" toate treatment, teat ‘Se wecte @ BRO, Optician: 0 Phin, Pa Bale Maat BLANK BOOKS, ‘ucts ec tetsti isn mae order. Estimates cheerfully furnished. FINDLER & WIBEL, Stationers, 146 Nassau Street. New OPIUM adligi ca Baines and Secret Cure =—«§ re KAN PROF. S. V. R. FORD, DISCOVERER OF “HOPE FOR THE BALD."—(Trade-Mark.) Pamphlet of Information and Tes timonials mailed on receipt of stamp. Address 8. V. R. FORD, {Mention this paper] Albany, N.¥. Where Shall We Pass the Summer? Those who are considering a vacation during the coming Summer will find much information of interest in the new pub- ications of the Passenger Department of the New York Central & Hudson River Railroad, entitled “Health and Pleasure on Ameri- ca’s Greatest Railroad,” “Summer Homes on the Harlem.” Copies of ether will be mailed to any address on receipt of Fourteen Cente postage, by the General Passenger Agent. ‘Address M.'C. ROACH, Gen'l East. Passenger Agent, 1 Broadway, New Vork. GEORGE H, DANIELS, General Passenger Agent, Br o- MICHA TEN, Ass Gen Paseenger Agent. GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NEW YORK. ASTHMA CURED FREE. bottle of BRONCHOLINE will be n application to D. H. Foxpa Deve Albany, N. Y. Broncholine cures yferer. Ask your druggist for it. Large bottles sent to any address for $1, or six for $5. Send for free sample bottle and testimonials, AGENTS WANTED IN EVERY TOWN TO SéLL THE TROJAN Sc. CIGA Big sellers, FITZPATRICK & DRAPER M'frs., TROY, N. Y, CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. It vas der feller mit an overgrown stomach dot yells himself der loudest aboud batriotism. It vas der feller mit a not pooty gwick shtrong mind dot vas awful lazy about making it ub, Gray-headed hairs vas reshpectableness vhen der ‘owner of dot head vas an honest man. Vhen you cood shtole a good deed in ona friend, und hafe hit oxcidently found it oud, dot vos true friend shkips. You cood hafe much more plaindy fun mit der bleas- ures of dis vorldt vhen you put some seriousness in your thinkings. Yoost so long as dhere vas monkey imidators in der yorld, yoost so long dhere vill been people who believe in Mister Darwin's deory. It vas bleasant to saw der color of health on a peo- ples’ face, but vhen it gets concentration by his nose der blush vas drawn toa fine points. Instrooction mit religion in dot derifes its strength, not pooty much from vat a feller vas teached to know, but from vat dhey vas made to feel about dot. Nadure vas always plant good seeds in der hooman heart. But you vant to look pooty vell out you don‘d cooltifate some poison weeds dot grow itself dherein, sometimes, also, BEST NEW YORK ATTRACTIONS. BROADWAY THEATRE. Francis Wilson Opera Co. in * Merry Monarch,” 8 p.m. NEW PARK THEATRE. Hanlan & Hart in“ Later On," Piles, Pimples, Permanently Cured Veles tpt 50 Genta Hox. 161 STREET, CHICA SEAS Here is a good-natured tussle fcr a cake of Pears’ Soap, which only illustrates how nccessary it becomes to all persons who have once tried it and discovered its merits. Some who ask for it have to contend for it in a more serious way, and that too in drug stores, where all sorts of inferior soaps, represented ‘‘as just as good,” are urged upon them as substitutes, But there is noth- ing “just as good,” and they can always get PEARS’ Soap, it they will be as persistent as are these urchins. SHUN MISREPRESENTATIONS. EARL & WILSON'S LINEN '~ COLLARS & CUFFS BEST IN THE WORLD SANITAS : Xon-Peisonous Disinfectants + We, the undersigned, Medical and 5 following hospitals, hereby declare, that * lent disinfectant and antiseptic: Physician of tha Cliy Hespital in Veni “Physician of the City Hospital in Venice, FS palaello—D¥. Canto, “Physician to the General Hospital of Venice. Turzo—Dr. Guisarre, “Physician to the Cily Hospital in Venice, FOR SALE BY DRuCCIS’ Fer reporta by Metical and Chemleal Experts pret 10 Officers of the tas’ is an exce!- SPARKLING AND STILL. FINEST TABLE WATER ON THE MARKET. Used at all leading HOTELS and CLUBS Sold by first-class Grocers and Drugglsts. Mata Oftes, Hashes, H. Ml, New York, 823 Broatwny, end for Pamphlet. ~ WEST SHORE RAILROAD, N. ¥. C, & H. R. KR. R. Co., Lessee.) THE PICTURESQUE ROUTE FOR BUSINESS AND PLEASURE TRAVEL, “SUMMER EXCURSIONS,” a handsomely illustrated book, giving description of the Hudson River, Catski Uins, ‘Saratoga and other New York, Sute reso mailed on receipt of five cents postage. “SUBURBAN HOMES,” in the vicinity of New York. Every head of a family should own a homme. "The garden spot for suburban residence the line of the West Shore Rail. road, and what is more, building plots are for sale at reasonable ca. "* Suburban Homes," fssued by the West Shore, gives lull information and names of parties who have land for sale. Copy will be mailed on receipt of two cents postage. Ror “tourist books, timetables and infortatien, regarding West shore Rar, fal on oe address HB. jacoe Sencral Kastern Passenger Agent, 363 Broadway, or C. E. LAMBERT, General Passcarer “Agent, S ™ 5 Vanderbilt Ave, New York, GRAND, UPRIGHT AND SQUARE. | TO RENT, INSTALLMENTS, AND EXCHANGED, Fifth Avenue, cor. I6th Street, New York. CA N D Y ie hasasonse bona.” ail Setol ire. Suitable for presenta. Try itonce. Address ©, ¥. GUNTHER.Confectioner. 212 State St..Chicago ELK, 32. Soe | 9 Fire Screeee, Fer Rows, Slocx Rete Secd stamp. for | Phets and Lit. J.D. ALLEN, Tasiderwint, MANDAN, N. D. Send 61.25, $210 or $810 fora retail x, by express, west. 0 New York abd east'of Deaversot the Mecee, Bafalo, Sheep, Deer and Antelope Hende, Entre » NIBHT’S|PROVIDENCE LINE = NEW YORK*BOSTON, ‘ PROVIDENCE, WORCESTER, WHITE MOUNTAINS. Bo |STEAMERS CONNECTICUT and MASSACHUSETTS leave New York from Pier 29, N. R., foot of Warren street, at §:30 p. Providence at 6 a.m, rriving at Boston, 7:15 a.m.; Worcester, 8 a.m, Staterooms se- cured by telephone, CORTLAND 3828, W. R. BABCOCK, Asst. G. P. A. 0. H. BRIGGS, G. P. A. REAL SEA BATH, AT HOME, BY USING By simply dissolving this Salt in ordi be used as a luxury for its exhilarat remedial agent in, Debllity, Lang Weakness of the Joints, for Tendes etc. Extracted directly from the “foaming billows” by evaporation, at one of the most salubrious spots oa the coast, it has all the medicinal advantages of the natural water; at the same time it is purified and entirely freed of all organic impurities, such as are usually found in our surf. A. J. DITMAN, Druggist, Broadway, Corner Barclay Street, New York. water. Thiscan influence and as a comicbooks.com