Judge, 1890-09-06 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 6, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Eveliny"** (main poem): A rural dialect poem mocking a young woman who defies traditional gender roles. "Eveliny Hughes" is portrayed as bossy, outspoken, and domineering—she manages farm work and contradicts her father rather than deferring to male authority. The satire targets the narrator's conflicted attitude: he claims to believe women should be submissive, yet admits he'd prefer a woman like Eveliny who "sasses" and leads. This reflects late-19th-century anxiety about women's growing independence and challenges to male authority. **"From Rollins"**: A brief anecdote about a patient Greek who doesn't curse when injuring himself—then revealed to be deaf and dumb, mocking the absurdity of the king's reward. **"Her Diagnosis"** and other short pieces: Light romantic/domestic humor featuring miscommunications and social embarrassments. The page is primarily humorous commentary on gender roles, courtship, and social propriety—typical of Judge's satirical approach to contemporary American life.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE EVELINY. HE'S no bigger ‘en a lady-bug, er yaller butterfly, But her cheeks is pink as pinies an’ thar’s ginger in her eye. Her mouth is like a posy fest poppin’ into bloom, An’ her hair looks like it gethers all the sunshine in the She's got a gift o° langwidge an’ a heap o' natchel wit, But they sp'iled her in the raisin’, an’ thet's the size of it! ¥ A-bein’ all the gyrl they hed, them triflin’ Hugheses jest Reared up thet Eveliny fer to be the livin’ pest ! She's bossy as a bumble-bee an’ prickly asa burr, An’ acts right like she ‘lowed the yearth was on'y made for her, ‘She makes the boys step lively, an’, tell ye! weeds are thin Since Eveliny took the reins an’ went to managin’, She can't uppear to raelize thet women oughter stand ‘Aside an’ let the men-folks boss whatever work's on hand. She ‘lows thet men are jest like geese, a-gabblin’ loud enough, But on'y makin’ out to play a mighty game o° bluff! T seen her like on yistiddy, a standin’ in the gate A-jawin' at her daddy cuz the pore old soul was late In gittin’ at his hayin'—"" Thar's rain ahead !" says she An’ him he never moved a foot, but set an’ winked at me. He set beneath the gourd-vines upun the porch an’ smiled, Like he was overrun with pride at hevin’ sech a child. 1 galloped by a-pityin’ him, an’ yet—somehow—an" yet, T wisht thet I was him an’ jest a-settin’ whar he set! I b'lieve with all the preachers thet women oughter be A sorvuh mild an’ willin’ an’ easy to agree ; Talways "lowed to be the head an’ master of my house, An’ pick me out a little wife as gentle as a mouse. Yet, hearts is so c'ntrary !—1'd be the foot, instead, Ef Eveliny Hughes ‘ud just consent to be the head, I'd ruther hear her sassin’ an’ rantin’, don’t ye see? “Then hev the sweetest gyrl on yearth a molly-coddlin’ me! FROM ROLLINS. RTEMIDORUS SECUNDUS was strolling down a boulevard of Athens when he saw a humble citizen attempting to nail a hemlock board on his hen-coop with a ten-penny nail and a monkey-wrench. As he smote the nail it turned out to be the nail of his thumb and he knocked it galley west, but he only writhed in agony and spake never a word. “Oh, patient sufferer,” said the king, “your case is unique, and I will have a medal struck in your honor. Future ages shall reverent who cursed not when he pounded his thumb.” The sufferer withdrew his bleeding thumb from his mouth and looked in wonder on the king, while agony distorted his mug like a portrait in a syndicate newspaper. Then he pointed to his mouth, groaned audibly and distorted his fingers into the shape of an old horse-pistol. He was deaf and dumb. he man HER DIAGNOSIS. Mr. P. Destrian (reproachtully) ised to walk with me this morning? I window before sunrise.” Miss Westernritt —" You poor boy! to swallow them?” Did you forget that you prom- throwing up pebbles at your How on earth did you happen Miss Kiuixcny—" Horrors! girls, there's a boat coming off from that yacht !" FROM THE ARABIC. OPEN one eye when you are about to sell; both when you want to buy. Try to stay the swallow in its flight long enough to knot a ribbon about its neck; to equal the gazelle in swiftness, or to stop the water that falls from the skies through your open fingers; but never endeavor to render a fickle woman steadfast. IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE. Gazlay—“I\'d like to know why you refer to Mrs. Dobbins as a sic A SOLILOQUY FROM THE HEART. Pop O'NgIt. (of the A, O. H., Sons of St. Patrick, ete., ete.—" Will yez look ‘er that, now! Jist. moind it! Sure, they think more 0° thot sawed- aff nagur than they wouid o° twinty Irishmin, THE WAY SHE PUT IT. B, 18.4 self-made man, has good manners and is a favorite with the ladies. When he was courting his wife some one said to her: “Is it possible, Miss Stubbins, that a girl with your expectations and of a family such as yours can condescend to entertain the advances of that common fellow?” “Well,” replied the heiress, “I prefer marrying a man without a name rather than a name without a man.” ALARM, Mapame pu Freeze (of the Young Ladies’ Seaside institute) scems to be a safe place to bathe, girls; but I'm afraid we've interrupted another party.” comicbooks.com