Judge — July 19, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE WHITTLER. HAR wuz Pollock—'Lijah Pollock— ust to live down by the crick ; He wuz prouder nor a peacock an’ yit poorer nor a tick, An’ so lazy thet I reckon he ud wonder ez he sat W'y it wuz he couldn't beckon wood an’ water with ‘is hat. Ez I ust to see him lazin’ in the sunshine day by day ‘Thar wuz suthin’ in him ‘mazin’ ike ‘zif laziness shud pay ; An’ he kinder seemed t' flourish jes’ ez well 'zif taters grew On the bushes an’ ud nourish ez meat vittles allus do, Pollock mos'ly had a little stick 0’ wood an’ knife in hand, An’ he'd whittle, whittle, whittle 'zif jack-knives wuz in demand Wren ‘is neighbors wuz a-plowin’ fast ez they cud git around, Or a-plantin’ or a-sowin'—Pollock didn’t care fer ground. Them ez noticed him ud snicker and say shavin's didn’t count , But ‘Lije Pollock never ‘d bicker, an’ he didn’t mind a taunt, He jes’ kep’ right on a-whittlin’ an’ a-bein’ quite perlite, ‘An’ durn me ef he an't whittled out a payin’ patent-right ! Jew OCULAR DEMONSTRATION. t+] CAN see now why you advertise rooms for single men,” remarked an applicant to the landlady. Why?’ “Because the rooms are too small to hold double oni A BREAKAWAY. GALLEDWELL (the starter) —¥ What's he kickin’ about?" Kaxrison (the jockey) —" Ho thinks that new pole 's a barber-sign, an’ wants to get shaved.” GALLEDWELL—" Give him the spurs. He's infringin’ on th’ rights of th’ pu NO SETTLEMENT. 46]F | HAVE ever used any unkind words to you, Sarah,” said Mr. Henpeck calmly, “I will take them all back.” “Yes, indeed!” she replied; “I suppose so you can use them all over again.” ACCURATE INFORMATION. Joknriy Cumso— Papa, how big is a bird-shot ?" Cumso—" Just the same size as. before shooting, Johnny.” SOME DEFINITIONS. Benefit—The fruit of goodness, but difficult to digest. Chemistry—The cookery of science. Cocotte—A chicken with teeth. Cradle—A nest of kisses and a mirror of smiles. Grace—The genius of women. Purse—A small receptacle in which money is put, but which too often proves to be an endless labyrinth in which money is lost. Trousers—An article of raiment that men put on, but which in reality is often worn by women. Young girl—A cherry that reddens before it ripens. CRUSTY BACHELOR married.” ARTFUL wipow —"* No He married a thousand times TIT FOR TAT. “There! that’s Minerva, the goddess of wisdom. She never got t this is King Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived. A NAUTICAL MAID. £4 P)ID you enjoy your yachting trip, Miss Rosalie?" he asked, “Oh,” she cried enthusiastically, “it was just too lovely for any- thing! and I enjoyed it so much. I used to rise every morning at seven o'clock just to see the sailors launch the bowsprit.” LIFE. LIFE may be likened to a loaf of bread, To be preferred cut evenly, and light; Delicious when ‘tis generously spread With golden butter stamped with eagle bright. “Tis soaked in milk till childhood’s days are past, And some there be who come to toast at last. IT DEPENDED ON HERSELF. Fair applicant —"And how long do you think, sir, it will take to pre- pare myself for the stage?” Manager —"That depends first on your ability in securing a husband and then on your agility in getting a divorce.” BASE-BALL AT DUSK VILLAGE. CAPTAIN PENDLETON (toho has made a hit)—" Ef I, wuz shore yo’ pitched dat yer charlotte-roost intentional in place ob d' ball I'd razzer yo’ whar yo" stan’s !” comicbooks.com