Judge — July 19, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JOCKEY MIKE. LESTER strect, jest off d’ Bowery, That's where I landed in ‘sevent} Prob'ly got spanked fer my trouble— Mother begun on me early. Th’ ole man was a blot on creation— Ugly an’ drunk ain't no name fer it; Swep’ up th’ rooms ev'ry mornin’ Usin’ this kid fer a sweeper. T stood it clean up t' ‘eighty, Then I pulled freight off fer Sheps head ; Slep’ in a corn-bin with Jakey: Jakey 's the commodore’s rider ; Blacker ‘n ink on th’ outside, Whiter ‘n milk round th’ gizzard. One day I ketched Hoggin’s bolter ‘N' rid him bare-back t' th’ stable. Hoggin he says, ‘* Who's that bow-legs 7" “Me,” says I; ‘* Mike, from th’ city." ve him a hoss, Mr, Trainer, *N' lick him like""—— Well, I got solid. See me come in on Doncaster? See all the ladies in th’ gran‘-stan’ Howlin’ out, ** Mike ‘s got th’ winner "? Ev'ry scar on me felt pretty. HE MIGHT KNOW FIGURES. y." said the schoolmaster to the son of a patron not renowned for sobriety, “suppose your father has in his cellar three barrels of whisky containing about thirty gallons each. If he consumed two quarts a day—a large average —how long would it take him to use up the entire three barrels?” A month, sir.” “A month? Oh, Tommy, Tommy! it’s very clear to see that you don’t know arithmetic yet. “And-you don’t know my papa.” RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. Teacher — Chicag illustration, where is Si Johnny —"\n the intemperate zone.” . children, is in the temperate zone. Louis?” Now, for A NEW CHARACTERIZATION, Ella (spitetully) —" Their m: Sophie—"® trade union?” ‘es; she traded her money for his title.” riage was nothing but a trade union.” THEY BOTH READ THE DAT Mr. Hayrick (producing lottery-ticket)—" Read th’ list, Marthy. I'm too narvous. Mrs, Havrick—"* Well, she starts off with one thousun’ eight hundered an’ ninety.”” ‘Mr. Hayrick—* Hooray, mother! We're wuth our pile at last !" SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. ME present grief is always of the first magnitude. Canonization does not follow a martyrdom to self-interest. It is better to be loved while living than canonized after death. The melancholy relics of the saints are no warmer for the costly incense burned upon their altars. It is easier to lavish pity upon the victims of injustice than to make that pity unnecessary by being just. To want what one cannot have and to have what one does not want seems to be the unhappy lot of us mortals. An ideal need not dissolve in rain in order to lose its glory. It is only that the sun may cease to illuminate by changing its position with regard to it. KATHMINE CKOSJHAN, ECONOMICAL. Mrs. Schaumberger —" Rebecca, mein dear!" Rebecca —" Vat is it now, mutter?” Mrs, Schaumberger —" Scrape der powder your face off ven you get pack from der deatre. Rebecca —" Vat vill you do mit id all, mutter?” Mrs, Schaumberger —\d vill do for mein neck ad de Purim ball.” BOYS AGAIN. Proressor Dumstone (vice-president Society for the Advancement of Science) —"* Whoop-la, doctor! I’ haven't studied the problems of impetus for nothing.” Docror Gertz (Johns Hopkins university)—"1 vos afrait you vos righd, mein dear sir.” ——And this was the subject under discussion. comicbooks.com