Judge — July 12, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ESSFUL CONTRACT. ADVI 1 CE. UL CONTRACT Continued. bok your advice nd I'm now in a mess!” “What! you took my advice? “Why, of cour “What folly! W se did. Yes hy 40 one e'er did that before ; And for the thought the thi $0, Just the opposite pains to say, For I felt, sure as ve: when I ing o'er, meaning 1 took fate, you would do th’ other way. an THE NEXT F ELL! you? PURCHASE. and who are “Tm the agent of an Eng- lish syndicate with one hun- dred million pounds capital.” “Ww ny now “I'm after a are gone and left all these stones after rak Ab! a happy thought !" ate this time.” A HINT TO LEGISLATURES. F ANY legislatures desire to achieve im- mortal fame and go down to history as the benefactors of mankind these sugges- tions for bills are respectfully referred to them. These bills would suit every fair- minded, well-balanced person in the country and any legislature may make use of them (with credit, of course, to JUDGE) and insure thereby the re-election of every member. due I. -AN act to prohibit theatrical per- formances (so called) by amateurs, whereby respectable people make idiots of them- selves and lose what little self-respect they ever possessed. I, A BILL to regulate the carrying of umbrellas by old men and females, so that the eyes of the citizens in their immediate vicinity may not be endangered II, A nits. to muzzle the rising poet of the springsummerautumnandwinter or der by the appointment of a press censor or referce. WV. stones alone AN ACT to restrain the simple-minded and untutored person of society from interrupting a charming corner fefe-d-fete. V. AN act providing that all soda-water clerks be mind-readers, thereby doing away with the obnoxious and oft misinterpreted wink. VI. AN act forbidding the existence of a mosquito under pain of extermination ‘This last bill might be adopted by Jersey, but it would be of bene- fit to an ity: and the other suggestions apply to the world at large. These bills are mentioned merely from a desire to ameliorate mankind, and if any philanthropic statesman will adopt them his name will go thundering down the rocky abyss of time forever, Selah! seats in the United States sen- By all that's great ! you try dozen assorted 2. ——"‘Roys, just see how many birds you can kill in those trees over there ‘There are some on that roof too.” THE ORIGIN OF AN OLD SAYING. MESS FLIRT TE goes to fish in the sea of Man, From an iste called Summer-resort ; She casts many lines and she lands all she can, And laughs at the jolly good sport. She tires after hooking some twenty and three, And casts them all back on the strana ; lesser flirts find as good fish in the sea As ever were caught, to land, PRECOCIANA. Teacher—* What is And the gender of s vacher—"What is the gender of Boy —* Feminine.” Teacher — But why do you make them of different genders?” Boy" Because one is other's a darter.” a sun and the amma, I shall be real have plen- T wish T'd left those Little girl glad to go to heaven, ty of preserves there.” Mamma —"Why, my child, what do you mean? Little girl —'Cause, mamma, it says in my catechism, ‘WI the saints to love God? keeps them.’” ought Answer — Because he makes, preserves, and HE GAVE ON AN ocean steamer ou asked Bagley a conundrum a few minutes age “Yes; and it was'a hard one too.” “I judged as much just now when | saw him go the rail and give IT UP. i\ A LUXURIOUS STRERT-ROLLER DRIVER ~"* They ‘s about as much excitement drivin’ this ere rig as they is shovelin’ coal.” Tf Liosrt Kinpare (the éramp)—" Take that, you blunderin’ chump ! this asphalt hadn't been soft, you'd a had murder on yer!" comicbooks.com