Judge — July 12, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE METAMORPHOSIS OF THE GIRAFFE TWINS. SHOWING THE SAD RESULTS OF A SPITEFUL JOKE. NO TIME TO BE SICK 0 assis : ; ba =] WITH all the others comp GIRAFFES Josiah ‘long with the rest, I don’t do nothin’ but labor, A-tryin’ to do my best. Pete's got the infuenzy And Hannah's took down this noon ; Josiah is gruntin’ an’ groanin'— He allus gives up so soon Nobody but me to tend ‘em, With the rest o' the work to do; If they'd only be kind and consider'te I wouldn't feel quite so blue Sometimes I long to be tended (There—a woman's tears come quick), But I work when my head's near splittin’, ‘Cause I ain't got time to be sick. ee ONE. JONES. FRICAN ( JRAFFES THE PROPER AUTHORITY. Algernon (kissing his fiancée) “When shall it be, Arabella?" Arabella—"" We must let papa decide that. He's a retired sea- captain, you. know. Algernon —" Why, what bas that to do with the date of our marriage?” Arabella —" Why, Algernon, isn’t it a maritime question ?” INDECISION. LOVE them both, but can't decide “Twixt Madeline and Isabel; Kecause their charms, I much confide, Can't stand the deadly parallel. AT THE MENAGERIE. Drysdale —" Say, Brown, that gi- raffe is a fool!” Brown —" Why a fool, my boy?” “Why, he is eating!" “And why shouldn't he : ; Drysdale—"M{ 1 had that neck Se I'd economize in eating and only drink 3. wine.” HIS DELICIOUS TORMENT. DELIVER me from the git Who dabbles her curls in my ink well; Who wets my lead-pencil ; Who loses my knife; Who drops my eraser down the reg- ister: Who can't throw a ball; Who cries if you touch her; Who dares me to do forbidden things and laughs when I fall into disgrace Who can’t sit still two minutes, even when a fellow is expected to do something fine in drawing ; Who is awfully surprised and sorry to hear I've been out of school two weeks with a broken wrist; Who accepts my apples-and oranges and divides them with some other fellow Who lets me think I'm going home with her till the other boy comes along icone ewe senten Ii HE NAMED THE LAY. Stranger (seeking information) — “Well, bub, do you know the lay. of the land?" ama Bub (aged ten) —" Yes, sir; a Mr. Willets—" Sho! dat ain't no boot. I done hed a few *Star-spangled banner,’ sir. words wiv Miss Blinksum, en she’s went out inter d’ hall t’ pout.” SPotTeo SACREO . Cows 6 JUST IMPORTED A POOR MAN. SS\WVHAT_DOES your husband do now?” inquired the parson. Vell,” answered the heart-broken he buys half a dozen different papers and tries to make money in their guessing contests.” A PROMPT REPLY. se] F Hore love should make me str A hermit far to dwell, Say, would you for my welfare pray “Of course,” she said—'* Farewell !” GENEROUS. Mr, Schaunburger —* More monish, Moses! Vat do you do mit it all?” Moses — Play billiards, pa! Mr. Schaunburger —"N'y do you blay so much ov dose pilliards, mein poy?” ‘Moses —"" Oh, to spend the time, pa!” Mr, Schaunburger —*Vell, Moses, you can spend all de dime you vand, put nod mein monish, Moses.” a paradox with which to grapple “Twas the first pair that tasted the first apple. comicbooks.com